Alright it’s time
to take on some anger, this anger comes out in back chat towards others,
sometimes people get to see it in small doses. I realize this anger that gets
directed towards others is merely anger at myself and my self inflicted
limitations. I get angry about what I cannot have and what I cannot do, often
getting mad at the people around me that I feel obliged to do things for or are
not doing certain things for me.
I put myself in my
position where I seemingly can do little good or get what I want/desire and I get
mad. Really I should not have to wait until consequences are about to end me
before I start to sort things out and I need to be able to count on myself,
before I can count on anyone else. Whether it’s family problems or problems in
the world I need to move and getting angry causes more problems and wastes
time.
One point that
comes up about me getting angry is my kids fighting with each other. A few days
ago I sat down and thought maybe I could get away with doing some writing while
my kids were playing with each other. I had a sense that I would get
interrupted and sure enough as soon as I started they started fighting and I
yelled “stop it!” now I would probably not had an outburst if I was not already
charging myself up with anger/anticipation. This anger is also set up with
blame towards others which is not helpful or practically justifiable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate within charging up anger while anticipating being interrupted in a
task by my kids.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
separate myself with an emotional experience of rising anger while anticipating
being interrupted by my kids.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect
being interrupted by my kids during a task to an emotional experience of anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set
myself up to react in anger through directing anger towards others because I’m
the only one available to deal with my kids fighting.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
separate myself both from being ‘here’ writing and being ‘here’ with my kids
through participating in an emotional experience of anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get
angry towards my reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
separate myself through participating in an emotional experience of anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect
a lack of options or ‘my time’ to an emotional experience of anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect
obligations to an emotional experience of anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire
to not ‘have to’ take care of responsibilities/obligation that are in my
immediate environment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste
time getting angry about what I’m not doing instead of moving myself without
self imposed limitation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
fully realize anger towards others as a distraction from realizing I’m angry at
myself for my participation in putting myself in my physical limitations/consequences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
value myself equally within whatever I am experiencing instead of imagining
what I could be experiencing, which then triggers an emotional experience of
anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame
others for my limits within my reality and allow this blame through back chat
to lead to an emotional experience of anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self
judgment to think I’m not good enough to do this because I have given into
anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in a rising of anger within me when confronted with no choice but to
deal with/interact with others in my environment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be
fully present enough within my environment to deal with anything in a way that
is best for all, while standing equal and one with beings I interact with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
fully realize the steps I have to take to practically sort myself out as I
project myself into future illusory realities and get angry about how much
needs to be sorted out.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need,
want and desire to change the world ‘out there’ or around me while not fully
understanding that there is no promise that anything will change significantly
outside of me – but I can take responsibility for who I am within it all.
When and as I see myself starting to charge up anger through
anticipating being interrupted I stop and I breathe and be self responsible for
being stable. I realize I have yet to move smoothly into a task without
separating myself and abdicating myself to the mind.
I commit myself to stop separating myself from my
responsibilities through participating in anger and anticipation in order to be
able to move effectively ‘here’ in the physical through breathing and being
aware of myself in whatever I am doing, so that I may become effective in my
daily living.
When and as I see myself projecting anger towards others for
not being available to ‘deal’ with my kids I stop and breathe. I realize this
is just me not wanting to take responsibility and wanting someone else to do it
which is a pattern that causes great consequences both in my immediate
environment and my world.
I commit myself to stop directing anger towards others that
could be taking responsibility and stop setting myself up to react in anger so
that I may become stable and in turn increase the amount of responsibility I
can take on without self imposed limitations and wasting time in thoughts and
emotions.
When and as I see myself participating in an emotional
experience of anger towards obligations I stop and I breathe and move myself
responsibly to take care of obligations. I realize I have been judging some
activities as greater than others, creating angst/anger towards not being able
to do other things while not realizing reality is always in my face and
ignoring it or getting angry just creates more consequences.
I commit myself to stop reacting in anger towards my
responsibilities and train myself to take care of them in the best most fluid
way I can manage.
When and as I see myself imagining what I would rather be or
could be doing, I stop and breathe. I realize I have been getting angry over a
lack of choice and am passing blame onto others that are just as ‘stuck’ as I
am.
I commit myself to stop participating in anger within a
desire to do other things so that I may take on any given task responsibly in
the moment.
When and as I see myself participating in back chat towards
others and blaming them for my ‘stuck’ experience I stop and breathe before anger starts to rise within me.
I realize that by not being here in the physical my mind is free to take me in
any direction including out bursts of anger.
I commit myself to stop nasty back chat towards others before
it has a chance to develop into an emotional reaction so that I stop creating
consequences for myself and others and instead create stability in my world.
When and as I see myself in self judgment towards an emotion
reaction I participate in, I stop and breathe. I realize that participation in
self judgment only compounds the problem of me creating consequences.
I commit myself to fully investigate in self awareness and
self honesty any point of myself reacting in anger so that I may get to the
root of the problem and take responsibility for who I have accepted and allowed
myself to become.
When and as I see myself participating in anger towards
having someone in my face or have to address others in my environment I stop
and breathe and make sure to stand one and equal with whomever I am to interact
with. I realize I give into emotional reaction easily when others are
emotionally reacting and this is just simply being lazy going for the ‘quick
fix’.
I commit myself to train myself to always be calm and able to
access situations with others using common sense so that I may create stability
rather than compound instability.
When and as I see myself participating in anger through a
desire to change things ‘out there’, I stop and I breathe and move myself self
honestly taking responsibility for who I am within any given moment.
I commit myself to stop participation with anger through
desire to change things outside of myself and become self intimate to realize
who I am and take self responsibility so I may become a source of stability
here in the physical.