Day37 Fear filter

     I had a conversation today, in an attempt to alleviate some concern about me and though I don’t think I made a mistake in communication my self-expression was filtered through fear and may have limited my expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of someone not understanding my position in terms of standing with destini.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of being judged or viewed as trying to convert someone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to communicate through and influenced by fear as I try to stay safe in my communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not check my stability in the moment of communication so as not to speak out of reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as self judgment towards giving into fear in the moment of communicating and seeing I could have done a better job expressing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of losing someone’s support in life when my next meal is in the fridge and this persons’ supportive nature could be helpful to others who need it more.

I commit myself to slow down when experiencing fear towards communication and stabilize myself ‘here’ with breathing and express myself as who I am, no longer allowing fear to hold who I am back.

I commit myself to no longer exist as fear of losing support from others but stand as a supportive being that values life.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day36 Limited observer

     Well I’ve done a good job of expanding my consciousness; I have become an expanded consciousness observing the world around me watching my body do, watching others do, as the great observer I am, so interesting watching reality as if it’s not real. [I am entertained] [I am on a ride] [I am the universe observing myself] I am fucked if I don’t knock it off. Back chat: “oh shit” “this is a real possession” “this is all I am”. Head ach at this point, 4 count breath… and moving on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear while realizing how ingrained the observer character has become as a false reality imagined as bigger than the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the observer character separating myself from the physical replicating reality in a bubble.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation of my own’ed body watching myself move through space/time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and participate with the programming “I am the universes consciousness”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself through participation of the observer character to not honor life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the observer character to view life as entertainment “wow what a ride”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the limitation that comes from “I am the universes consciousness” as programming. I remember accepting this programming from a documentary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image and regret for being so self deluded.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the point of equality as a physical existence equal and one in and as reality by building up this image/belief of an observer until only an observer remained.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as a physical being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I am ‘here’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I have been participating in observing myself as an observer creating some kind of feedback loop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for an ‘I am’ in and as a mind seeing if I exist in the feedback. lol that must have been what the ‘oh shit’ was about.

I commit myself to realize I do not require the limitation in a belief of an ‘I am’ but to simply be ‘here’ intimate with and as the physical.

I commit myself to no longer participate in and as an observer character to stop feeding it energy and building it up realizing my self-enslavement in and as a mind in my own little bubble. I commit myself to stop viewing my physical body and my movement through space time as a separate mind reality watching an interesting story.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

 

Day35 Hope and intent.

     Seems I’m trying to force a change, really charging up hope and in this just separating myself from the physical it’s actually getting to the point where whatever task that would be completed is from the starting point of changing the world, not common sense and creates resistance as in too much pressure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge up an energetic experience of hope.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation as a desire for a better world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I have been building up an energetic experience that is creating resistance in my daily self movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a polarity swing where when I see myself not moving I go into a negative energetic experience of hopelessness resembling a drugged like state.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I have been existing in separation by energetically charging intent towards everyday tasks, I realize this just creates a resistance to movement as I’m being sped up in and as a mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to energetically charge intent while participating in future projections of myself moving efficiently and quickly to get things done while causing me to miss who I am in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I have been energetically charging myself as intent when faced with fact about abuse of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I have been energetically charging myself as intent when viewing others standing up against abuse of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take full advantage of ‘what is best for all’ as a guide ‘here’ in every moment of every of every breath, instead of relying on some energetic experience.

I commit myself to stop participating in hope or intent as an energetic experience and future projections towards changing myself or doing simple tasks I move ‘here’ in the physical self honest as who I am and take responsibility.

I commit myself when faced with responsibility as myself and as this world through others examples of standing, realizing abuse or simple tasks of the everyday, I do not allow any energetic influence and just simply understand what there is to be done.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day34 Inconsiderate

     What if something happens where someone gets hurt because of something I do or neglect to do?

I have had some anxiety about this lately as I failed to walk a friend to her door just from being self distracted so let’s write it out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards the thought of my friend getting hurt because I was lost in my own thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drift out of reality instead of considering another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards imagined abusive or violent realities in which my friend gets hurt, these alternate realities are not going to help anyone and just keep me in a pattern of thinking on a past event.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of being judged inconsiderate to create a negative self image.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image by judging myself as inconsiderate for participating in my mind focusing on my thoughts and emotions instead of a real person existing in the actual physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image for failing to be ‘here’ in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of having to live with the fact that something bad happened to a friend because of neglect and in this causing something I would not be able to face.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as self interest fearing consequences would come back to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I have to face all harm I have done or will do in order to reduce or eliminate harm I will do in the future as I will increase my consideration of all life instead of dwelling in self interest as thoughts and emotions.

I commit myself to stop indulging in and as thoughts and emotions in self interest and make sure to consider others and stay in our shared physical reality ‘here’ aware of and as breath.

I commit myself to not dwell on thoughts and emotions towards mistakes that could cause harm; I stand up and keep walking my process to become stable in consideration of what is best for all.

I commit myself to be fully aware if and when I’m acting in self interest fearing consequences coming back on myself.

  

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day33 Lonely and missing out

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lonely as it is just a way to not take self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the low energy of ‘missing out on life’ as it relates to feeling lonely while missing the point that I am life here equal and one as everything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize as I give attention to this low energy feeling I am in fact creating an experience to compensate for desired experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss out on real experience ‘here’ as self expression by creating experience in and as the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine/feel other peoples loneliness to create an experience for myself in and as the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project a view and feeling of a lonely world with many lonely beings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize this lonely feeling as just a point of experience based mind created illusory entertainment distracting me from the physical ‘here’ reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize participating in the low energy feeling toward ‘missing out’ is creating an actual missing out of and as life that can cause a downward spiral.

I commit myself to no longer participate in ‘missing out’ or ‘lonely’ energy based feelings to keep me entertained in mind based realities, if I see myself slip into such a reality or energy I give my head a shake and snap myself back to reality ‘here’ aware of breath. I commit myself to stop missing myself as life as ‘here’ as equal as one.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day32 comfort cage

     Seems a lot of my writings so far have the word comfort in them, I seem to like my comfort zone. I can see this comfort zone that I exist in and as, it’s an imaginary cage, ya I really like my cage; it’s a nice place to relax, I know what to do in my cage and there might be something scary outside my cage like seeing who I am.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get cozy in my comfort zone where I don’t have to take on more responsibility. I realize this as a cage with bars made of anxieties and fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards going out dancing where I might show a weakness as fear of being judged.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposing perceived weaknesses like nervousness if I’m meeting new people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as future projections where I show nervousness or a lack of self confidence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposing weakness when writing blogs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the more I stay in my comfort zone the smaller the cage I’m in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as addiction to my comfort zone and allowing my thoughts, fears and anxieties direct me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my comfort zone get so small that I end up as a mind that runs on automatic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when sitting in the physical comfort zone its physical self abuse making myself weaker which creates a downward spiral.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe aggression is the key to ‘busting out’ of my cage that I have created, this aggression as an energetic experience cannot be maintained.

 

I commit myself to slow myself down in the physical and walk out of my comfort zone one breath at a time and not let any set backs or steps forward stop me from walking, I move self directed aware of myself as the comfort zone pushing through the resistances, I stop the fear of finding out who I am outside the comfort zone as well as fear of others finding out who I am outside the comfort zone.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that any time I feel caged it’s just me creating it knowing that if I end up in the mind I have definitely gone too far in the wrong direction, I bring myself back aware of breath and make myself stronger ‘here’ in the physical.

  

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day31 I was starving-Day dream

     So in my last post I took on the memories of when I was not nice or evil, and I mentioned at the beginning that I day dreamed a lot and I want to take on one particular day dream that sticks out.

     I remember day dreaming when I was a child; that I was in the place of someone who was starving to death somewhere over on the other side of the world and in this day dream, everyone over here in north America was doing everything they could to get to me working frantically to do whatever they could to get to me; I mean obviously I was dying, suffering and scared of course they are all trying to get to me.

      You know… I’m compelled to believe that even in the seemingly coldest human being that justifies this kind of suffering that at some level they know it’s not OK and the fact that this kind of suffering exists has to be effecting them subconsciously somehow. So if I’m right I have to suggest that people stop hiding from it, stop letting it just sit back there somewhere in your mind, I mean it’s maybe not cool to put pressure on people to stand up against the bull shit in the world but it can’t be good for you to be suppressing the knowledge of suffering that takes place. For fuck sakes it’s time we start kicking and screaming knocking down whatever is in our way to find the solution to this mess.

     I’ve never shared this day dream with anyone, probably because there was never really a plan or because there is something wrong with dreamers. I found a plan, the equal money system presented by desteni; I love this plan, if it’s not good enough for you maybe you can find something better but go look or create a plan or find some people to work out a plan with, but do something.  Consider passing on the equal money system to others and consider being a yes vote for equal money when the time comes.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a bad friend to people I know because if they would have come out of a vagina in a place where starvation exists and then had to go through the suffering of starvation I would have done very little in my life to stop their suffering.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image due to the belief that there was nothing I could do to stop the abuse and unnecessary suffering that exists in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the want to end starvation and speak out, in this I see the separation I created in past images and future projections as wants, needs and desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of being judged as ‘trying to be a hero’ or trying to be special in trying to find a solution to suffering in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in alternate realities where I see people judging me or trying to help me get away from the group that has offered an opportunity to work for everything I’ve been looking for like the self mastery, the quiet mind, peace on earth, the end of starvation and poverty, dealing with my programming that I came to realize through books on neurology, oneness I realize through basic physics and the equality that comes with it but is obviously not shown in our shared reality and giving me the piece of the puzzle that I was missing; my responsibility in all this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of the unknown as not knowing I will not turn my back on this opportunity to become the change I want to see in this world.

I commit myself to give myself the gift of seeing myself stand up for life and end the suppression of myself, I stop the pictures in the mind, the back chat and desires for the end of needless suffering and become one and equal to the work of changing the world.

I commit myself to stop the fear that I will not continue on to change myself to stand up for all life equally. I commit myself to stop judging other as judgmental or not being able to understand why and what I am doing.

  

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.