Day44"Not that it matters anyway"

     I realize that I have a tendency to see a task done in the mind creating a future projection of a task already done and in this I often do not move to start the task so I’m going to correct this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create future projections of tasks being or having been done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety when considering a task and wanting it done already or quicker than it will actually take.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the back chat “it doesn’t matter” I see this back chat is really quiet in the back of the mind almost like it does not come up in words, of course how can anything really matter in my own little word in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize the abdication of my self responsibility to the ‘nothing matters’ programming, it’s easy to see looking back at my past that ‘nothing really matters’ has been part of me for a long time. This was even pointed out to me before by another as I was likened to eeyore “not that it matters anyways”.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be a care taker of this shared physical reality while I’m here.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself as equal as one, to live as ‘it all matters’ as I am here and am not just going to wait around to die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consciously, subconsciously and unconsciously participate with illusory barriers in the way of moving responsibly in and as the physical.

I commit myself to when I realize a task will be or should be done if anything moves inside of me I stop, I take a deep breath and I move myself.

I commit myself to take on more responsibility step by step, breath by breath pushing through resistance with the time I have, realizing changing myself is a process that requires real self movement in real time in the physical.

I commit myself to slow down and realize when I am abdicating myself to the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind whether I realize the specifics or not and use the consideration of what is best for all as a reference/guide.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

Day43 "Your so stupid"

     Today I had gotten annoyed with my dad and the back chat was coming up “he’s so stupid” and after that it started coming up for pretty much everyone I came in contact with till I took notice of the pattern latter in the day. It’s not cool getting angry and judging people so time for some self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger and getting annoyed just because something didn’t make sense to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be aware of a pattern of spitefulness towards other beings after being annoyed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the back chat “he’s so stupid” or “she’s so stupid”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as stupid for doing something that annoyed me, I realize it is me who allowed myself to get annoyed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards making a mistake when giving a direct answer to a request as I may compromise myself, have to deal with someone else’s emotions or be viewed as uncompassionate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize in a moment or take advantage of a moment to support someone else who is bothering me to do something by helping them understand why I won’t do that something, mentioning why it’s not cool to demand something, or go help them out; I consider what the best possible action would be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an emotional reaction towards another beings emotional state.

I commit myself to stop any back chat towards others being stupid, if and when the back chat comes up -I stop- immediately, doing self forgiveness on any emotional energy that emerges towards being annoyed or bothered.

I commit myself to be direct with others when being pushed or asked to do something making sure to be guided by common sense in terms of what is best for all, I make sure I remain humble and not go into judgment or react to emotion.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

 

 

Day42 Simply here undifined

     I think I’d like to get to know myself a little bit better as self directed as self and not allow consciousness to do it for me. I don’t think definition of self is going to help as definition seems to well… limit and separate, time for some directing instead of knowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that it is myself that allows the mind to take over.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the mind to direct me for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as no other way but mind direction, thinking the mind will always be in charge or at least most of the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be intimate as self in and as the physical through self direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can’t keep myself in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect a certain experience when in and as the physical, in this I see that I have been searching for a state of mind rather than just being ‘here’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a self created pattern of searching or trying different states of mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use/seek knowledge and information in an attempt to define myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation as the defining of self as “I am this” as this becomes an object of knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pattern of abdicating self responsibility.

I commit myself to stop and see what moves and recognize what moves is not me but just the mind. I stop take a deep breath and become intimate in and as the physical engaged with my surroundings, I can feel my feet on the floor, get personal with my keyboard, enjoy touching what I am working with, get right involved with and as the physical and care for myself as breath.

No more defining myself with knowledge and information cycling through states of mind; till here no further. I realize my abdication to the mind and accumulate self directed as breath and accumulate stability with no expectation/projection of what it will be like to be ‘here’ in every breath.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day41 So inspired

     I realize that I exist in a pattern of searching for inspiration and if I do find a person who is doing or saying something inspiring I get an emotional energy fix as I am both given encouragement in the form of hope and then sadness as “when will I become inspirational?” Where is the inspirational me that stand up for equality? Where is my voice?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek out others making a stand instead of making one myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as emotion towards people speaking up against inequality to only get an energy fix of emotion instead of looking at the person practically as an example and simply consider following their lead.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as self image judging myself as not smart enough or strong enough to speak up, I realize this is partly due to not knowing if or how I may have to defend my position.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation by viewing a me verse them scenario.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a future projected self where I have already changed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the simplicity of sharing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get an emotional energy fix from projecting me as inspirational, separating myself from reality with a me standing strong, being inspirational.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the need, want and desire to be standing as an example creates many future projections and has very many possible future projections that can come up to separate me from the physical, these projections can direct me at any time to participate in the mind or direct me in the physical to make poor use of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make poor use of every breath while projecting myself in possible future action.

I commit myself to stop the future projections of myself standing I will accumulate self trust in every breath by applying common sense considering what is the best use of my time, correcting myself in real time.

I further commit myself to stop judging myself against others who stand up and speak out and I stop seeking inspiration while it is not the best use of my time, I commit myself to stop participating in emotional energy when seeing someone speak up and simply acknowledge their example.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day40 Whats best for animals?

     I have for as long as I can remember been sensitive towards other people, been able to imagine what it would be like to be in there shoes but I do not share such an affinity with animals, this is causing a reaction when I make any commitment towards ‘what is best for all’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a bubble for the human were I would only consider what is best for the human.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards not being able to put myself in the shoes of animals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my expression of caring to only beings I interact with in my environment like people, pets, birds or squirrels because I can see them up close and personal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep hidden in my secret mind that I do not consider animals such as farm animals and then judging myself as evil for not sharing an affinity towards them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize the self judgment towards not considering animals is not considering the extent of the journey to align myself with what is best for all. I will take the time to realize and acknowledge how long I have been existing within self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I require emotions or imaginings towards animals in order to consider what is best for them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not acknowledge the support the farm animal has given and how it is repaid with abuse and dishonor.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I have only been experiencing myself as a mind while imagining myself in other peoples shoes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as ego raising myself as human to be more than the animal.

I commit myself to continue to investigate what it means to be a being that stands up for all life equally making the required changes to self.

I commit myself to not go into self judgment when I miss the mark as ‘what is best for all’ or am not able to realize what it means.

I commit myself to no longer place myself above the animal as being better than the animal can only be true within a mind reality/illusion.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day39 Choice

     In this 7 year journey to life there seems to be a conflict coming up about whether it is a good choice or not. If there is one thing that seems true about this question in my many years as a truth seeker it is that this journey started along long time ago, it is an understanding of cause and effect, the conditions were right for me to… not choose this road but to end up on it. There is no doubt we are all influenced and created through our past, created by how we were raised by the people who were raised by most likely our grandparents and so on back in time. If there was a beginning called the ‘big bang’ it would seem that this is when this paragraph was written. The point is feeling judged has no logic to it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become stagnated by the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of reasons to not go on with my current path.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that if the reasons for not going forward with the journey to life are not sufficient to stop then they are a waste of my attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of not being supported by the system through jobs, friends or a girl friend because of process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of being judged as brain washed, I realize it is self judgment, feeling less than by imagining how I look through other people’s eyes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image through projecting judgment onto others that would see myself as weak or stupid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as self interest in the search for justifying the path that I am on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit self in separation of -as equal as one- by viewing me as a being on a path.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in further separation by viewing multiple paths.

I commit myself to change ‘here’ as self as who I am breath by breath pushing through resistance aware of who I am as able or not and make the correction necessary to be able to stand as life.

I commit myself to not allow separation through viewing possible paths through imagination I make considerations in the moment and act in the moment without dwelling on my own self interest.

I commit myself to take a stand and walk through hell if I have to in order to bring about a world that is best for all life.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day38 Fall of the energy addict

     Trying to find my energy fix I seem to have set myself up for a crash, no choice if I am to move forward but to apply some self honesty. Let’s deconstruct the fall.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a relationship and all that I imagine would come with it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation from the physical as I imagine an easier life that is moving forward with a relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand on my word and commitment to stop the desire for sex. I realize it can start with a simple imagined kiss as memory and future projections then one imagination leads to another J

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mourn an imagined loss of a possibility for a relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as self interest in desiring to be ‘normal’ and considering giving up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the minds energy allowing it to build within a state of withdrawal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards the thought of no chance of having a relationship with a woman. I realize the separation here as the desire takes me away from being here in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my needs wants and desires are still present within me and as me even if I spend some time not being directed by need want and desire. I realize I have been missing my mind energy fix and fear a quiet unconnected/non-separated self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear that I’m missing something when I am simply ‘here’ without any mind energy influencing me. I realize this started when I stopped feeding energy to myself as an observer character.

I commit myself to get to know myself as a physical being, quiet without the minds energy intimate with myself ‘here’ in the physical.

I commit myself to stop the self interest of needs, want and desires utilizing self forgiveness understanding my journey to life is something I’ve already argued with myself about and I know where it leads.

I commit myself when faced with possibility to not go into future projection and not entertain possible outcomes, I direct myself according to what is best for all in the moment.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.