Day68 Facing self interest defenses

     I am going to start chipping away here at my self-interest, it seems there may be many layers to this as in self interest I defend my self-interest. As I realize that not considering all life is not common sense, in self honesty I can easily see my actions are in contradiction to common sense. It is only in the mind that I have formed an illusion of common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a belief or mind created illusion that I care about our shared physical reality as I use this to defend what I have accepted and allowed in self interest. I can see the consequence of this belief is that I suppress the way I see myself moving through my day - that is the proof of how I exist within a day and create an inability to face myself within my accepted and allowed self-interest. Another consequence I can see is the other side of the coin where I look at the proof of how I exist in self interest and form the belief that I do not give a shit and just give up and say “this is how I am” and just give up on myself perpetuating the acceptance and allowance of self interest. I now see, realize and understand that either belief about myself create limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize I exist in a polarity swing of negative and positive self image believing I am special and do not give into self interest and then hopeless in seeing my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to purposefully choose to act in self interest and justify with a belief that I will stand for what is best for all later and in that choose more entertainment or rest, I see realize and understand that within this justification there is a missed opportunity to change and stand for what is best for all and I’m acting as if another moment will be better to change in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards difficulty in seeing and facing points of self-interest as I’m not sure how much I accept and allow to defend my self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that giving into or participating with any needs, want or desire is in fact self-interest and that I have accepting and allowing self interest as acceptable not realizing I am creating and perpetuating conflict and friction with my family, society, world and myself through lack of contribution to what is best for all.

I commit myself to further investigation of my participation with self-interest and stop the participation with beliefs about weather I care or not so as to practically look at where I am not standing for what is best for all.

I commit myself to live fully aware in the realization that need, want and desire is in fact self-interest and is not practical common sense and in that I commit myself to not justify self-interest as acceptable.

I commit myself to learn to not participate within anxiety towards the work that still lay ahead of me to become a being that stands for what is best for all.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day 67 doing it wrong

     Here I am going to open up the point of fear of doing things wrong. Well this is a fear that can definitely get in the way of change, so there are definitely consequences for allowing this fear to direct me, what I am able to realize is that doing something the wrong way can mean not doing something perfect or getting a opposite or negative outcome compared to the desired outcome. There of course is often the possibility that someone could tell me I am doing something wrong either to help or to judge and in that I have to ask myself if it really matters which is true. When it comes down to doing something perfect, if I am going to do something different or new then doing it wrong first will often be required. Avoiding any possible chance of doing something that will actually do harm omg my imagination can go on forever coming up with possible negative outcomes towards an action I take. So I will do some self forgiveness on ‘doing it wrong’ and I’ll do my best to not unravel all of space and time J.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of being judged for doing something the wrong way as if it is required that I please other people in the performing of a task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of showing weakness if someone sees they cause a reaction in me after mentioning I’m doing something wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into negative emotional reaction towards someone saying I’m doing something the wrong way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear when considering doing something different or new as I will likely not be perfect at it making my self image vulnerable as it is possible someone would judge, I realize in this that there are consequences to giving into this fear such as - inability to change, adapt to different situations or take on responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of negative or undesired results when taking on a new responsibility/task as I can imagine many undesired results in the mind while I am actually doing nothing for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into judgment towards being told I’m doing something wrong instead of just considering if I can do better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with projections of desired outcomes instead of living responsibly as I give power to undesired outcomes to create more fear and guilt and suppressed self responsible expression. The question to ask is: If I create a consequence that is bad for all do I stop creating myself as being that stands for what is best for all? No!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear through my obsession with cause and effect which is just fear of the unknown and it would be just crazy to ask all the butterflies to stop flapping their wings. Honestly if I can’t move to take responsibility then what, leave it to fate or other people? No!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on knowledge and information as I created a need to know all possible consequences- instead of committing to the direction of becoming a being that stands up responsibly for what is best for all life equally. If not this direction then what? I can become a being that stands for screw you? Which also requires screw me.

I commit myself to stop participation with fear of being judged about my performance within taking on tasks and stop the limitation of this fear by replacing it with self direction in the physical here as breath.

I commit myself to stop my self accepted limitation as an ego and not create future projections of being criticized, if and when criticism occurs I take it as possible support from the physical.

When taking on something new, difficult, uncomfortable or unfamiliar I commit myself to be fully aware I will most likely not perform perfectly, I stop participation with need want and desire for results and I commit myself to train myself to push through resistance so I can move responsibly.

I commit myself to stop existing in fear of unknown consequences and stop being so sure to cover my own butt to start to break the chains of acting in self interest, I stop participating with imagined consequences and breathe here in the physical self directing in consideration of what is best for all.

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

Day66 Me as violence-lucky no one got hurt

     So I find myself getting stuck while writing or trying to start writing and I’ve come to realize it was because there was something I did not want to face, as I would sit and start to get frustrated with myself not moving and the energy starts building up –I stand up and my physical body has a message for me; I start shadow boxing throwing kicks and punches at the air. It’s my violence that I don’t want to look at; it’s a desire to beat the hell out of my problems. Fortunately (and I realize I’m lucky) no one has been hurt because I’ve been able to suppress my violence. When you start to realize what goes into creating a human being you have to know that if just a few things were different in your life or even one major thing you could have become a violent murderer.

     Another reason I was resistant to writing about my inner violence was because I share my writings for the world to see. Do I protect myself or do I put myself out there so others can see violence in themselves and maybe deal with it? Well….

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a desire to violently take on my problems/consequences, I realize it is most likely that if I was to attempt to take on my problems/consequences this way it would only serve to create new consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build a violent character to deal with violence that was directed towards me in my school years readying a character to take over to beat the hell out of or kill the next person that messes with me; (lucky).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as positive ego towards my ability to do damage to other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the back chat “you don’t want to fucking mess with me” this is a back chat that I have participated with in the past, even though it’s been a while since I’ve been in a situation that brought it out I see it’s still a part of me, looking back I realize I’ve heard “you don’t want to fucking mess with me” from many people as a matter of pride in being able to do damage or exact revenge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards knowing I have been possessed by violence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt and judging myself as less than for being possessed by violent energetic experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with violent energetic experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as violent emotion towards others while blaming them for my suppression as I give into fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as violent emotion towards perceiving others as inhibiting my freedom or free choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as violent emotion towards the perception of other people messing up my world. I realize this perception as blame and can be used as justification for supporting war.

I commit myself to stop the participation with violent emotion and thoughts, when I see myself in a situation where I’m taking on a task that I find difficult or a situation I would normally start to get frustrated with or would become violent towards I stop myself and breathe, I live the word “no” towards violent emotion and thoughts and shake it off it will not be allowed.

 I commit myself to train myself to be here as breath in the moment pushing myself to stay here as breath while I take on tasks = increasing responsibility, accumulating breaths while understanding if I am going to be here as breath it will take practice and I live the understanding that getting violent is useless when not seeing myself in effective self movement.

I commit myself to fully live the understanding and realization that violence will not solve any problems or remove any consequences.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow an ability to do damage to feed myself as an ego and stop the programming of “you don’t want to fucking mess with me” and I commit myself to point out to others that the ability to hurt someone is a lack of common sense when attached to pride and ego.

I commit myself to not exist as guilt towards past participation with violent thoughts and emotions and stop living in the past and letting memory tell me I am violent.

I commit myself to not justify violence by blaming others realizing violence is unacceptable and is due to my own acceptances and allowances, there will be no more violent thought and emotion directed at anyone, till here no further. All violence stops with me first.

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

Day65 Realizing responsibility in breath

       I think what I need to do is decide how it is I will use a moment of breath to become more responsible and start gaining some self mastery. I must consider what there is to do, pick the best thing to do and then do -simple. I also need to realize what it is that I am doing in a moment of breath so lets see what I can work out with some self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that within a single moment of breath I can sabotage self direction in many breaths to come.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose to act on an energetic impulse over what is best for all within a single moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of doing something the wrong way that would create consequences and instead do nothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to start participating in an energetic experience in a single moment of breath while self looking and considering what to do, I realize this energetic experience as an anxiety about being alone with myself so I quickly find a distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be considerate to myself in a moment of breath by giving into the mind in the current moment of breath so as to sabotage the next moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that it will take a long time to train myself to be aware of every breath but that cannot be an excuse to not push myself to not give into the mind so that I become lazy about it.

I commit myself to continue and increase self directed responsibility in and as breath realizing I can sabotage myself at any given moment of breath.

I commit myself to train myself to not accept and allow fear, impulses or anxiety about being alone with no energetic experience to sabotage self direction in and as breath, I push myself to be here and not be lazy about it.

I commit myself in the moment of breath to become fully aware that each moment of breath sets up the next so I can accumulate self directed breaths.

 

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

 

Day64 SF on being strange

     I realize that I have a lot of work I would like to do on myself and having negative feelings about being strange or not normal is one thing that needs to be fixed. So here is some self forgiveness on being strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of judgment for being strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as lack of self movement towards doing things others would/might judge as strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as frustration towards my views being dismissed as strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as normal = blind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity swing of positive and negative self judgment with normal and strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of not being supported by others because they think or might think I’m strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear that others will have fear of consequences and cause me problems to get me to step in line and be ‘normal’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of survival as I may not be supported or may be attacked if I’m viewed as strange.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow fear towards being judged as strange and not allow this fear to hinder self movement.

I commit myself to not go into frustration if something I say is dismissed as strange and not go into judgment of the other person.

I commit myself to not participate with polarity in the judgment of normal and strange.

I commit myself to stop participation with fear of survival and not being supported or being attacked.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

 

Day63 I'm too nice :)

     Something’s striking me a little funny, there are situations I have to deal with which I like to deal with patience and understanding, I like to give people support and a chance to deal with things in a reasonable amount of time. When I deal with things this way there are a couple people who like to tell me I’m too nice. I’m starting to realize that maybe their right and those people who helped me realize this are probably going to wish they didn’t – at least until the truth stops hurting anyway.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of confronting other peoples abusive behavior in using fear to manipulate other people that is only good for causing friction and suppressing free expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when fear is the only thing that motivates someone they use fear to motivate/manipulate other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear that turns to anger towards those who would challenge -me as an ego- in saying I’m too nice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of other people getting angry with me if I don’t comply with their demands.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of an angry reaction towards practical common sense and making people see their own abusive behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear while seeing an angry expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger while seeing an angry expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as an ego while lmfao about the people who are going to get exactly what they asked for, I realize I’m as guilty as they are and facing ourselves is good medicine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear as I use other peoples lack of understanding as an excuse to not take self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that fear is manipulating me equal and one with the expression coming from others and this fear must be deleted in me first and foremost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize exposing peoples abusive behavior as an act of kindness, understanding the abusive have been abused in part of a long chain of abuse that will continue if left unchallenged.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger while losing my temper when things are not going my way so as to perpetuate abusive manipulation, In this I realize I’m kept in check from standing up against abuse as it creates a situation of hypocrisy. So I stand up against my own abusive manipulation first.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger as I raise my voice and go into aggressive posturing when my kids don’t want to comply with my want for them to do something like brush their teeth or get ready for school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of consequences if I don’t get my kids to do certain tasks as I lose patience and express anger because my eye is always on the clock.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a reaction towards my mother when she gets frustrated and angry and so I get angry and frustrated for her so she doesn’t have to be upset.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perpetuate the use of aggression to raise my children passing on my demons of fear onto them.

I commit myself to show and explain to people that fear is an abusive motivator and to explain that there is such a thing as self movement for the purpose of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop participating with fear of confronting abusive behavior stopping it in myself and standing against abuse in and as the physical.

I commit myself to not be manipulated as an ego when being told I’m too nice and simply explain the practicality of patience and understanding so we can stop abusing each other.

I commit myself to stop all reaction to angry expressions coming from other people, if someone wants to get mad – I stop I breathe and direct myself to direct the situation to the best possible outcome.

I commit myself to not participate with fear of a reaction from explaining to someone they are being abusive and assist them with as much as they are willing to hear realizing I have also been abusive.

I commit myself to not use others lack of understanding as an excuse to not stand and be self responsible for my actions.

I commit to stop all participation with desired results towards perceptions of what my children need to get done and in this I stop reacting with anger to manipulate them. The aggressive posturing stop at and with me and the manipulation of fear stops; till here no further.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day62 I am life equal and one

     I have been experiencing some fear of commitment to exactly what I have set out to do and that is to become fully aware of myself as equal and one, a simple aspect of all that is here and give all of myself to myself as equal and one - all the while creating consequences and confusion towards how to dance with consequences/challenges around me. I am living a double life here and this Matt character will go whether others like it or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully commit to and realize self as equal and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposing myself to others my realization of myself as equal and one as life as I may be judged as strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear while judging myself as strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposure = commitment to deletion of the Matt character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of loss as I hold on to the Matt character with feelings of nostalgia as in this character my story has been ‘so special’, I now see realize and understand that the Matt character has been about self interest accepting and allowing myself to view my own personalized reality in separation of myself as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value over life to a story.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposing/sharing my story with anyone as I don’t want to be judged as an ego or as self interest as others would see the value I put on my own story. This fear came up as a major reaction to explaining how I heard the desteni message as it has been my ‘special’ life story that has added up to hearing the desteni message.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep running the back chat “it’s too good to be true” creating a thought loop of trying to figure out how exactly am I getting this kind of insight and support as I am relying on knowledge and information to move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to knowledge and information realizing I don’t need to know every fucking thing to stand up for myself as life equal and one.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that not realizing all as equal is purely a mind fabricated judgment that is required to be exposed to everyone.

I commit myself to full acceptance of who I am as life as equal and one and not hide as the Matt character and no longer accept and allow fear to keep me from standing up for self as life.

I commit myself to not participate with fear of judgment towards realizing myself as life and not judge myself as strange.

I commit myself to share my self realization as life openly as well as sharing how I got to this point if anyone really wants to know - simply as a matter of fact and not as some special story. I no longer accept and allow myself to place value on my story – till here no further and no longer will I accept and allow myself as fear of being judged as an ego if I am to mention anything about how I got here.

I commit myself to stop relying on knowledge and information to move myself here in the physical without the need to know everything for sure - so I can move responsibly and stand up for all life equally, no need to know, I simply breathe, self directed equal as one as breath in the physical.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out what it means to stand as a responsible being that stands up for life.

http://equalmoney.org/ Lets place value on life with equal money.