Taking a look here
at my smoking ‘addiction’ I realize I am deciding to continue to smoke, though
for the most part unconsciously deciding as I’ve trained myself to smoke,
though there are times I consciously notice I’m grabbing for a smoke or notice I
am smoking. First problem I need to address is the truth of how unaware of
myself I am thus not taking responsibility for who I am in oh so many moments
of breath. If I can’t take self responsibility for all of myself – this
physical body and not care enough to do so I cannot be trusted, I wouldn’t
suggest it. Secondly the times I am consciously aware of grabbing or smoking a
cigarette I most often give myself permission with the idea I’ll quit later,
the thought “just one more” or anxiety will come up about putting it down as I
slip away into unconscious mode and internal conversations; then there is the
rare occasions where I watch myself smoke a whole cigarette just watching in
curiosity exposing my total indifference. 3rd problem is trigger
points such as walking through a door especially going outside as well as the
running out of time to have one or won’t have a chance to have one for a while,
waking up in the morning etc.
There are actually
a lot of dimensions to why I smoke, why I started and what I am trying to
suppress within me in terms of negative self image/ego. There’s too much to
walk in one post so I will walk self forgiveness and corrective application on
the lack of awareness and the aware choice towards smoking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself free
choice as to whether or not I smoke.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
close the door on free choice to make sure I am taking full responsibility for
my actions as not smoking is the best choice for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
make a firm commitment within me to stop smoking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
always be fully aware that I am grabbing a cigarette or smoking one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose
to be indifferent towards smoking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide
to go ahead and smoke while aware I am grabbing a cigarette.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
“it’s ok” or “oh well” to give myself permission to smoke while aware of the
choice.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
continue to smoke when I notice I am smoking a cigarette.
I forgive myself for not
accepting and allowing myself to care about myself enough to shut the door on
free choice towards smoking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep
cigarettes easily accessible to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slip
out of awareness and carry on smoking instead of taking full responsibility for
myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give
into subconscious/unconscious habit instead of taking responsibility for myself
here while aware of my breathing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine
I will quit smoking while not fully realizing each cigarette I have is a
choice, whether it is in awareness or in separation of myself giving away self
responsibility to the mind.
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to use cigarettes to suppress fear and anxiety
throughout my day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my
anxiety will swell if I do not give in to smoking as I retreat into unconscious
mode with my tail between my legs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my
own fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
take self responsibility for my anxiety and face myself.
When and as I see the choice to smoke come up I stop and I
breathe. I realize the choice to smoke exists so I can carry on hiding from
myself and reality as I do not really like my life.
I commit myself to stop having a choice to smoke and to push
through and transcend the point of smoking so that I may gain self trust and
stop abusing my physical body as well as wasting money.
When and as I see myself participating in any part of smoking
from grabbing for one to the act of smoking I stop and breathe. I realize the
act of unconscious smoking is for the same reason I am not aware of breath – so
that I do not have to take self responsibility and face myself.
I commit myself to stop participating in smoking cigarettes
at every part of participation until I am done with it for good so that I may
become more effective in my daily living increasing self responsible action.
When and as I see myself participating in back chat such as
“it’s ok” or “oh well” to give myself permission to smoke I stop and I breathe.
I realize this back chat as indifference; a fake indifference to cover up
emotions towards the idea that the odds are against me as I take the easy path
of giving up.
I commit myself to stop participating with giving myself
permission to smoke and train myself to stop giving myself permission to give
up on myself so that I no longer have to see myself causing more abuse than
necessary. I realize giving up on myself is just permission to be abusive
towards myself and my world.
When and as I see myself enabling myself by keeping
cigarettes easily accessible I stop and breathe and keep them out of reach. I
realize by keeping cigarettes close is from a belief I will give in and am
setting myself up for failure.
I commit myself to stop setting myself up for failure to
prevent the act of smoking to teach myself to use prevention as a cure so that
I may become proficient at solving problems.
When and as I see myself participating in future projections
by imagining I will quit, I stop and breathe and take self responsibility in
the moment. I realize imaging I will quit is a way of giving myself permission
in the moment.
I commit myself to stop imagining I will quit and fully
realize my responsibility within a moment of breath so that I may gain self
trust and increase/accumulate breaths in awareness of myself.
When and as I see myself participating in fear and anxiety
with an urge to smoke I stop and breathe and direct myself to investigate the
source of fear/anxiety and not back down to these emotions. I realize these
emotions are only serving to keep me safe from taking responsibility for
unsavory circumstances/consequences.
I commit myself to train myself to take responsibility no
matter how I judge circumstances and to clear my negative or positive judgments
of any circumstance or consequence so that I may remove self imposed limitation
through separation.
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