Day 83 bullied (I know why)

     I’m going to write here on my past experience with being bullied. This is something that I have suppressed and have thought to be taken care of because I had already within myself forgiven the bullies but I see a lot of who I am today is because I had justified my struggling through the idea the world had beaten me down. I don’t see how it could not be affecting me now it’s, how I perceive my whole youth. I didn’t learn too much through school and didn’t create much good work habit because I was always scared to death and the bullying was relentless until about 16 when I started walking around just hoping someone would try, “please someone try to mess with me” yep, was walking around with quite the chip on my shoulder and for some reason that was pretty much it for the bullying. Shit I can feel some anger rise up now, it’s actually kind of funny whenever I hear someone on the tv reporting a student opened fire on his fellow students and they are asking how something like this could happen, I say it out loud “I know why”.

     Let’s take a look at how things can get so bad starting with the source of bullying, the majority if not all the wage slave parents (who learned from their parents). All these kids who are significantly smaller and weaker than their parents who have to do what their told “or else!” sometimes even getting smacked or worse and all the kinds of stuff kids get screamed/yelled at, then take that example and find someone weaker than them and unleash it on them. So this smaller weaker kid who had learned the consequences of standing up against being attacked just keeps looking weaker and weaker. All this abuse just funnels down to the one who will take it the most. Then this individual has all this stored up abuse inside and if he’s lucky he grows up and finds a way to deal with it and has a great appreciation for growing up in a country with strict gun laws. You know it was hard to write this because I felt like a loser for being bullied but none of the bs I had to go through gets past me! Till here no further! Remeber there is no one to blame it just has to stop. To further understand the problem and solution please watch- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1VIHlQUcZI and the video that helped me get this out- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRIL_m6BWnA

Self forgiveness and corrective statements to come.