I’m writing here a
blog in relation to fear of death specifically a fear of loss connected to it.
The fear of loss I will address is loss of opportunity to have not left misery
behind for others and doing nothing substantial about it. At first I wanted to
write about the world as a whole but I’m going to zero in even closer, in the
spirit of prevention I will take on fear of my children suffering if death comes
along and they have to face the world without me. In this I can be more clear
and practical in my parenting so I don’t pass on my BS fears to them. I have
put a nice bit of pressure on myself connecting the fact I helped bring them
here - to any and every bit of pain and misery they will experience. Looking
practically at this world I’m going to have to plead insanity.
It’s easy for us
all to be short sighted and not consider future challenges for the next
generation, to consider what your kids may have to go through or how about what
your kids will have to see their grand children will have to go through. Seems
like a lot to consider but still short sighted because I’m not looking outside
my own bloodline. Like me, most likely it seems my great grandchildren (if
there is any) will know of great abuse and suffering in this world and you can
turn a blind eye but no amount of distraction can make you un-know it. Simply
by neglecting to consider how we as individual aspects of this reality create
the abuse of life through actions and neglect we will consequentially keep
creating it and will likely accelerate the abuse.
Consider our use
of fossil fuels; we have become very dependent on oil coal and natural gas
which are finite, so one way or another we are going to stop using them. As of
now the responsibility of the extraction, processing and distribution of these
resources are in the hands of a select few and we all (us lucky ones)
contribute to the burning of these fuels. I mean we will responsibly change to
renewable energy or the fact that it runs out will force us to and a forced change
will probably be painful. Never mind this difficult change of switching to
renewable energy; consider the impact on water, air and nature from continued
burning of these fossil fuels. It’s unlikely things are going to change any
time soon in regards to fossil fuels because - it’s profitable and easy. See
the documentary on you tube called ‘blind spot’ to further understand how and
why the abuse of life from fossil fuels are most likely to continue. Also check
out a video called ‘fracking hell’ to see how people and nature suffers now
from an abusive system of profit and greed.
If you don’t like
what your reading here just give yourself a moment to stop and breathe, the
things most in need of tending in this world often come attached to negative
uncomfortable emotions and we will not take responsibility for these things if
we let negative emotions get in the way, fear is useless and can make us feel
small and unable to change things.
Now it’s time for
me to write out some self forgiveness to take responsibility for myself to
change my accepted and allowed relationship towards fear of dying and loss of
opportunity to do what I want to do for them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
dying and have wasted an opportunity to change the world my kids will have to
live in.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
what my children may have to go through without my support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
not being here to protect my children from the consequences of neglecting our
reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
not having the time to help my kids with the realization of ‘negative’
situations about this existence so that they do not place a connection to fear
or negative charge to such situations that would serve to make these situations
feel bigger than them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my
kids getting swept away in the insanity of humanity without my guidance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
facing at death a missed opportunity to help others be stable that my kids will
have to share a world with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
facing at death leaving consequence behind for my children through taking more
from this existence than giving.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
fully realize that now in the current capitalist system; giving back to the
earth in support of life more than I take is impossible.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge
myself for being a cause of pain and suffering simply by bringing my kids here.
When and as I see myself participating in fear of missing an
opportunity to change the world for the better I stop and I breathe. I realize
our shared consequences have made a world that may be impossible to sort out
but I can take responsibility and know that I did so.
I commit myself to no longer participate in fear of not
changing the world so that it does not get in the way of me simply taking
responsibility.
When and as I see
myself participating in fear of what my kids would have to go through without
me, I stop and I breathe. I realize this fear comes from future projections of
teaching them how to cope and is a fear of loss of opportunity to do so. Also I
realize fearing death is not going to stop death from coming so it is useless
to fear.
I commit myself to stop participating in fear of loss and
future projections pertaining to teaching my kids how to cope in this reality
so that I may be clearer in my parenting with the time I have with them.
When and as I see
myself reacting to the idea of the word my children will have to face, I stop
and breathe. I realize the fear of the world my children will have to face is
just my fear of the manifested consequences we all participate in creating.
I commit myself to stop reacting with fear towards the
consequences created and are being created so that I may practically take on
responsibility towards our shared consequences and in this I commit myself to
continue educating myself about what needs to be fixed and how; to simply make
the practical transition to student/educator.
When and as I see myself participating in self judgment for
any pain or suffering my kids will have to go through, I stop and breathe and
be self honest about whether I am moving myself practically or am being
directed through reaction. I realize I have been transferring my past
experience of uncomfortable and painful emotions into future projections in my
imagination - generating fear and anxiety.
I commit myself to stop judging myself and stop participation
with future projections of my kids dealing with uncomfortable and or painful
emotions so they don’t learn from me to react to their environment/world the
same way I have, so that certain realizations, consequences or events do not =
fear or self judgment.
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