Day 87 Anger towards limitations

     Alright it’s time to take on some anger, this anger comes out in back chat towards others, sometimes people get to see it in small doses. I realize this anger that gets directed towards others is merely anger at myself and my self inflicted limitations. I get angry about what I cannot have and what I cannot do, often getting mad at the people around me that I feel obliged to do things for or are not doing certain things for me.

     I put myself in my position where I seemingly can do little good or get what I want/desire and I get mad. Really I should not have to wait until consequences are about to end me before I start to sort things out and I need to be able to count on myself, before I can count on anyone else. Whether it’s family problems or problems in the world I need to move and getting angry causes more problems and wastes time.

     One point that comes up about me getting angry is my kids fighting with each other. A few days ago I sat down and thought maybe I could get away with doing some writing while my kids were playing with each other. I had a sense that I would get interrupted and sure enough as soon as I started they started fighting and I yelled “stop it!” now I would probably not had an outburst if I was not already charging myself up with anger/anticipation. This anger is also set up with blame towards others which is not helpful or practically justifiable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within charging up anger while anticipating being interrupted in a task by my kids.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself with an emotional experience of rising anger while anticipating being interrupted by my kids.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect being interrupted by my kids during a task to an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set myself up to react in anger through directing anger towards others because I’m the only one available to deal with my kids fighting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself both from being ‘here’ writing and being ‘here’ with my kids through participating in an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry towards my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself through participating in an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a lack of options or ‘my time’ to an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect obligations to an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not ‘have to’ take care of responsibilities/obligation that are in my immediate environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time getting angry about what I’m not doing instead of moving myself without self imposed limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize anger towards others as a distraction from realizing I’m angry at myself for my participation in putting myself in my physical limitations/consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not value myself equally within whatever I am experiencing instead of imagining what I could be experiencing, which then triggers an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for my limits within my reality and allow this blame through back chat to lead to an emotional experience of anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self judgment to think I’m not good enough to do this because I have given into anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a rising of anger within me when confronted with no choice but to deal with/interact with others in my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be fully present enough within my environment to deal with anything in a way that is best for all, while standing equal and one with beings I interact with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize the steps I have to take to practically sort myself out as I project myself into future illusory realities and get angry about how much needs to be sorted out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need, want and desire to change the world ‘out there’ or around me while not fully understanding that there is no promise that anything will change significantly outside of me – but I can take responsibility for who I am within it all.

When and as I see myself starting to charge up anger through anticipating being interrupted I stop and I breathe and be self responsible for being stable. I realize I have yet to move smoothly into a task without separating myself and abdicating myself to the mind.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from my responsibilities through participating in anger and anticipation in order to be able to move effectively ‘here’ in the physical through breathing and being aware of myself in whatever I am doing, so that I may become effective in my daily living.

When and as I see myself projecting anger towards others for not being available to ‘deal’ with my kids I stop and breathe. I realize this is just me not wanting to take responsibility and wanting someone else to do it which is a pattern that causes great consequences both in my immediate environment and my world.

I commit myself to stop directing anger towards others that could be taking responsibility and stop setting myself up to react in anger so that I may become stable and in turn increase the amount of responsibility I can take on without self imposed limitations and wasting time in thoughts and emotions.

When and as I see myself participating in an emotional experience of anger towards obligations I stop and I breathe and move myself responsibly to take care of obligations. I realize I have been judging some activities as greater than others, creating angst/anger towards not being able to do other things while not realizing reality is always in my face and ignoring it or getting angry just creates more consequences.

I commit myself to stop reacting in anger towards my responsibilities and train myself to take care of them in the best most fluid way I can manage.

When and as I see myself imagining what I would rather be or could be doing, I stop and breathe. I realize I have been getting angry over a lack of choice and am passing blame onto others that are just as ‘stuck’ as I am.

I commit myself to stop participating in anger within a desire to do other things so that I may take on any given task responsibly in the moment.

When and as I see myself participating in back chat towards others and blaming them for my ‘stuck’ experience I stop and breathe before anger starts to rise within me. I realize that by not being here in the physical my mind is free to take me in any direction including out bursts of anger.

I commit myself to stop nasty back chat towards others before it has a chance to develop into an emotional reaction so that I stop creating consequences for myself and others and instead create stability in my world.

When and as I see myself in self judgment towards an emotion reaction I participate in, I stop and breathe. I realize that participation in self judgment only compounds the problem of me creating consequences.

I commit myself to fully investigate in self awareness and self honesty any point of myself reacting in anger so that I may get to the root of the problem and take responsibility for who I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

When and as I see myself participating in anger towards having someone in my face or have to address others in my environment I stop and breathe and make sure to stand one and equal with whomever I am to interact with. I realize I give into emotional reaction easily when others are emotionally reacting and this is just simply being lazy going for the ‘quick fix’.

I commit myself to train myself to always be calm and able to access situations with others using common sense so that I may create stability rather than compound instability.

When and as I see myself participating in anger through a desire to change things ‘out there’, I stop and I breathe and move myself self honestly taking responsibility for who I am within any given moment.

I commit myself to stop participation with anger through desire to change things outside of myself and become self intimate to realize who I am and take self responsibility so I may become a source of stability here in the physical.

http://desteni.org/

http://eqafe.com/

http://equalmoney.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day86 smoking lack of awareness

     Taking a look here at my smoking ‘addiction’ I realize I am deciding to continue to smoke, though for the most part unconsciously deciding as I’ve trained myself to smoke, though there are times I consciously notice I’m grabbing for a smoke or notice I am smoking. First problem I need to address is the truth of how unaware of myself I am thus not taking responsibility for who I am in oh so many moments of breath. If I can’t take self responsibility for all of myself – this physical body and not care enough to do so I cannot be trusted, I wouldn’t suggest it. Secondly the times I am consciously aware of grabbing or smoking a cigarette I most often give myself permission with the idea I’ll quit later, the thought “just one more” or anxiety will come up about putting it down as I slip away into unconscious mode and internal conversations; then there is the rare occasions where I watch myself smoke a whole cigarette just watching in curiosity exposing my total indifference. 3^rd problem is trigger points such as walking through a door especially going outside as well as the running out of time to have one or won’t have a chance to have one for a while, waking up in the morning etc.

     There are actually a lot of dimensions to why I smoke, why I started and what I am trying to suppress within me in terms of negative self image/ego. There’s too much to walk in one post so I will walk self forgiveness and corrective application on the lack of awareness and the aware choice towards smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself free choice as to whether or not I smoke.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not close the door on free choice to make sure I am taking full responsibility for my actions as not smoking is the best choice for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make a firm commitment within me to stop smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not always be fully aware that I am grabbing a cigarette or smoking one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose to be indifferent towards smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to go ahead and smoke while aware I am grabbing a cigarette.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think “it’s ok” or “oh well” to give myself permission to smoke while aware of the choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to smoke when I notice I am smoking a cigarette.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to care about myself enough to shut the door on free choice towards smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep cigarettes easily accessible to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slip out of awareness and carry on smoking instead of taking full responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into subconscious/unconscious habit instead of taking responsibility for myself here while aware of my breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine I will quit smoking while not fully realizing each cigarette I have is a choice, whether it is in awareness or in separation of myself giving away self responsibility to the mind.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use cigarettes to suppress fear and anxiety throughout my day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my anxiety will swell if I do not give in to smoking as I retreat into unconscious mode with my tail between my legs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self responsibility for my anxiety and face myself.

When and as I see the choice to smoke come up I stop and I breathe. I realize the choice to smoke exists so I can carry on hiding from myself and reality as I do not really like my life.

I commit myself to stop having a choice to smoke and to push through and transcend the point of smoking so that I may gain self trust and stop abusing my physical body as well as wasting money.

When and as I see myself participating in any part of smoking from grabbing for one to the act of smoking I stop and breathe. I realize the act of unconscious smoking is for the same reason I am not aware of breath – so that I do not have to take self responsibility and face myself.

I commit myself to stop participating in smoking cigarettes at every part of participation until I am done with it for good so that I may become more effective in my daily living increasing self responsible action.

When and as I see myself participating in back chat such as “it’s ok” or “oh well” to give myself permission to smoke I stop and I breathe. I realize this back chat as indifference; a fake indifference to cover up emotions towards the idea that the odds are against me as I take the easy path of giving up.

I commit myself to stop participating with giving myself permission to smoke and train myself to stop giving myself permission to give up on myself so that I no longer have to see myself causing more abuse than necessary. I realize giving up on myself is just permission to be abusive towards myself and my world.

When and as I see myself enabling myself by keeping cigarettes easily accessible I stop and breathe and keep them out of reach. I realize by keeping cigarettes close is from a belief I will give in and am setting myself up for failure.

I commit myself to stop setting myself up for failure to prevent the act of smoking to teach myself to use prevention as a cure so that I may become proficient at solving problems.

When and as I see myself participating in future projections by imagining I will quit, I stop and breathe and take self responsibility in the moment. I realize imaging I will quit is a way of giving myself permission in the moment.

I commit myself to stop imagining I will quit and fully realize my responsibility within a moment of breath so that I may gain self trust and increase/accumulate breaths in awareness of myself.

When and as I see myself participating in fear and anxiety with an urge to smoke I stop and breathe and direct myself to investigate the source of fear/anxiety and not back down to these emotions. I realize these emotions are only serving to keep me safe from taking responsibility for unsavory circumstances/consequences.

I commit myself to train myself to take responsibility no matter how I judge circumstances and to clear my negative or positive judgments of any circumstance or consequence so that I may remove self imposed limitation through separation.

http://desteni.org/

http://eqafe.com/

http://equalmoney.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 85 nervous about speaking (school memory)

     In this blog I will be taking on my accepted and allowed participation to nervousness and anxiety within a specific memory. Ok this one was early and has been quite suppressed and it took me a bit to get it out. Introducing myself in front of the class when switching schools, I remember getting nervous when asked to step up in front of the class and it just built up as my face filled up with blood. All I could do was to say sup or hey and wave at which point the class laughed at me.

     After ‘hey’ the class laughed and I laughed a little and the teacher told me to go sit, and as I sat I dwelled on the fact they all seen me get embarrassed. It seems that there has been a lot of times where I would first be afraid of being embarrassed and of showing it and then getting embarrassed and to me I looked like a weak stupid loser. I do remember one kid being nice after saying it was funny and actually I was trying to be funny to cover up my nervousness.

      I was in a meeting at my kids school the other day and while I was talking the memory of me getting nervous kicked in thus triggering fear of getting nervous and I started to feel myself get flush so I just stopped in mid sentence to breathe myself back to stability and began to speak again. So the problem now is me going into nervousness at the thought of putting myself in a situation where I may become nervous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect speaking to people to an emotional state of nervousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going into an emotional experience of nervousness while speaking in front of or to people, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project into the future an idea of me participating in an emotional experience of nervousness while communicating with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking stooped and weak because I may fail at expressing myself properly through nervousness rising up inside me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to practice expressing myself in my mind to get it just right so that I can become comfortable with it, while not fully realizing and understanding that I practice in the safety of my own mind out of fear and it will never be the same as expressing myself in reality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to fully realize expressing myself in reality takes practice and the ability to do it well must be cultivated through self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of me speaking in front of a class at about 8 yrs old while feeling nervous with my face turning red and then kids laughing to an idea of me looking weak and stooped.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of me speaking in front of a class at about 8 yrs old while I waved and said “hey” with my face turning red that then turned into laughing to an experience of negative self judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of me saying “hey” while waving, feeling nervous and embarrassed with my face turning red followed by the sound of laughter.

When and as I feel nervousness rising up inside me when I’m about to share/express myself I stop and breathe to stabilize myself here in the physical. I realize I have been participating in past memories of fear in separation of myself recreating the same consequence over and over.

I commit myself to stop participation with memories of nervousness and failed expression and to practice free expression in real time, so that I may become a dependable responsible being.

When and as I see myself setting myself up for failure towards speaking in a group I stop and I breathe. I realize that by going into future projections about speaking in a group I have been giving attention to fear while accepting and allowing it to exist in and as me.

I commit myself to stop feeding fear through future projections so that I may stop the cycle of fear and consequence of inaction, I commit myself as well to practice expressing myself in real time so that I may gain self trust and increase self responsible movement.

When and as I see myself participating in fear of looking stooped or weak I stop and breathe and give myself fair opportunity to stabilize myself. I realize fear of looking stooped and weak comes from fear of being vulnerable to abuse as well as passing judgment on other people’s intent.

I commit myself to stop participating in ideas of what others think of or may think of me and not let any judgment cause a reaction within me so that my free expression may not be hindered or compromised.

http://desteni.org/

http://eqafe.com/

http://equalmoney.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day84 Bullied prt2 (I see bullies)

     In this post I will start to take on the my relationship to being bullied, a lot of the bullying that happened through my school years has become a very big part of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become. I have a hard time bringing up these memories they are suppressed quite well and I made a realization today that I have very much become my own bully. Bullies get real mean if you go to tell on them, not only am I going to stand up to the bully I created in separation of myself I’m going to laugh at it or rather at myself. So time for some self forgiveness on the patterns I allow myself to perpetuate in within the bullied personality.

Bully: an aggressive person who intimidates or mistreats weaker people.

Bull-lies: (word play) ideas in the mind about other people consciously trying to do harm.

Bully: (re-definition) the perpetuating of abuse on any or all life through learned, accepted and allowed behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to super impose the idea of being a bully onto other people in my mind in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize the bull-lies I create about other people in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being bullied by other people, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving myself in a way that would make me susceptible to being bullied.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bully myself into not exposing my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let the mind in separation of myself bully me into not responsibly moving because I know if I become more effective I will have more time to share myself and expose myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep myself safe in self interest from being bullied while creating bull-lies in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify lack of self responsible movement to the fact I had been bullied in the past thus making myself less than my past experiences of being bullied.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect any attempt from another to direct me to an emotional experience of fear through participating with bull-lies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word bully with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word bully as negative, bad or wrong within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word bully through judging the word bully as negative, bad or wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word bully to criticism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word criticism with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word criticism through judging the word criticism as negative, bad or wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not fully investigated myself as a bully.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of me being cornered by a man showing rage and threatening me at age 7 to an emotional experience of fear and violence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of me being cornered by a man showing rage and threatening me while experiencing fear and violence.

When and as I see myself participating in the idea of others being a bully I stop and I breathe. I realize that from my own experience bullying comes from separation of self as if it were not really you doing it making the impulse to do so bigger than us.

I commit myself to stop judging others as being a bully in my mind so that I may communicate clearly from a starting point of consideration and understanding.

When and as I see myself thinking about what others would say in relation to me expressing myself I stop and breathe. I realize I am just trying to protect myself in self interest in separating myself from reality keeping myself enslaved to the mind.

I commit myself to stop thinking about what others would say about something I would express and simply be sure in myself that I am expressing myself in consideration of what is best for all.

When and as I see myself hesitating to share I stop and I breathe. I realize this hesitating comes from lack of self trust and not realizing I can only change and become effective through practice in the physical.

I commit myself to stop participating in fear of sharing so that I may free myself to move responsibly to stand up for life.

When and as I see myself justifying lack of self movement and discipline through memories and blaming the past I stop and breathe. I realize I have been using lack of self discipline from my past to justify lack of self discipline now and only I can walk myself out of this pattern.

I commit myself to stop blaming my past for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and direct myself to become more effective so that I may indeed become a trust worthy being.

When and as I perceive another acting as a bully I stop and breathe. I realize this comes from fear of judgment and judging others as well.

I commit myself to stop imposing bull-lies onto other people and so that I may see who I am within any given moment and be self honest about how I am moving myself.

I commit myself to fully investigate my own acts of bullying so that I can become a trust worthy being that can create stability in our shared reality.

http://desteni.org/

http://eqafe.com/

http://equalmoney.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 83 bullied (I know why)

     I’m going to write here on my past experience with being bullied. This is something that I have suppressed and have thought to be taken care of because I had already within myself forgiven the bullies but I see a lot of who I am today is because I had justified my struggling through the idea the world had beaten me down. I don’t see how it could not be affecting me now it’s, how I perceive my whole youth. I didn’t learn too much through school and didn’t create much good work habit because I was always scared to death and the bullying was relentless until about 16 when I started walking around just hoping someone would try, “please someone try to mess with me” yep, was walking around with quite the chip on my shoulder and for some reason that was pretty much it for the bullying. Shit I can feel some anger rise up now, it’s actually kind of funny whenever I hear someone on the tv reporting a student opened fire on his fellow students and they are asking how something like this could happen, I say it out loud “I know why”.

     Let’s take a look at how things can get so bad starting with the source of bullying, the majority if not all the wage slave parents (who learned from their parents). All these kids who are significantly smaller and weaker than their parents who have to do what their told “or else!” sometimes even getting smacked or worse and all the kinds of stuff kids get screamed/yelled at, then take that example and find someone weaker than them and unleash it on them. So this smaller weaker kid who had learned the consequences of standing up against being attacked just keeps looking weaker and weaker. All this abuse just funnels down to the one who will take it the most. Then this individual has all this stored up abuse inside and if he’s lucky he grows up and finds a way to deal with it and has a great appreciation for growing up in a country with strict gun laws. You know it was hard to write this because I felt like a loser for being bullied but none of the bs I had to go through gets past me! Till here no further! Remeber there is no one to blame it just has to stop. To further understand the problem and solution please watch- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1VIHlQUcZI and the video that helped me get this out- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRIL_m6BWnA

Self forgiveness and corrective statements to come.

Day82 fear of death and loss of oportunity

     I’m writing here a blog in relation to fear of death specifically a fear of loss connected to it. The fear of loss I will address is loss of opportunity to have not left misery behind for others and doing nothing substantial about it. At first I wanted to write about the world as a whole but I’m going to zero in even closer, in the spirit of prevention I will take on fear of my children suffering if death comes along and they have to face the world without me. In this I can be more clear and practical in my parenting so I don’t pass on my BS fears to them. I have put a nice bit of pressure on myself connecting the fact I helped bring them here - to any and every bit of pain and misery they will experience. Looking practically at this world I’m going to have to plead insanity.

     It’s easy for us all to be short sighted and not consider future challenges for the next generation, to consider what your kids may have to go through or how about what your kids will have to see their grand children will have to go through. Seems like a lot to consider but still short sighted because I’m not looking outside my own bloodline. Like me, most likely it seems my great grandchildren (if there is any) will know of great abuse and suffering in this world and you can turn a blind eye but no amount of distraction can make you un-know it. Simply by neglecting to consider how we as individual aspects of this reality create the abuse of life through actions and neglect we will consequentially keep creating it and will likely accelerate the abuse.

     Consider our use of fossil fuels; we have become very dependent on oil coal and natural gas which are finite, so one way or another we are going to stop using them. As of now the responsibility of the extraction, processing and distribution of these resources are in the hands of a select few and we all (us lucky ones) contribute to the burning of these fuels. I mean we will responsibly change to renewable energy or the fact that it runs out will force us to and a forced change will probably be painful. Never mind this difficult change of switching to renewable energy; consider the impact on water, air and nature from continued burning of these fossil fuels. It’s unlikely things are going to change any time soon in regards to fossil fuels because - it’s profitable and easy. See the documentary on you tube called ‘blind spot’ to further understand how and why the abuse of life from fossil fuels are most likely to continue. Also check out a video called ‘fracking hell’ to see how people and nature suffers now from an abusive system of profit and greed.

     If you don’t like what your reading here just give yourself a moment to stop and breathe, the things most in need of tending in this world often come attached to negative uncomfortable emotions and we will not take responsibility for these things if we let negative emotions get in the way, fear is useless and can make us feel small and unable to change things.

     Now it’s time for me to write out some self forgiveness to take responsibility for myself to change my accepted and allowed relationship towards fear of dying and loss of opportunity to do what I want to do for them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear dying and have wasted an opportunity to change the world my kids will have to live in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what my children may have to go through without my support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being here to protect my children from the consequences of neglecting our reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having the time to help my kids with the realization of ‘negative’ situations about this existence so that they do not place a connection to fear or negative charge to such situations that would serve to make these situations feel bigger than them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my kids getting swept away in the insanity of humanity without my guidance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing at death a missed opportunity to help others be stable that my kids will have to share a world with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing at death leaving consequence behind for my children through taking more from this existence than giving.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that now in the current capitalist system; giving back to the earth in support of life more than I take is impossible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for being a cause of pain and suffering simply by bringing my kids here.

When and as I see myself participating in fear of missing an opportunity to change the world for the better I stop and I breathe. I realize our shared consequences have made a world that may be impossible to sort out but I can take responsibility and know that I did so.

I commit myself to no longer participate in fear of not changing the world so that it does not get in the way of me simply taking responsibility.

 When and as I see myself participating in fear of what my kids would have to go through without me, I stop and I breathe. I realize this fear comes from future projections of teaching them how to cope and is a fear of loss of opportunity to do so. Also I realize fearing death is not going to stop death from coming so it is useless to fear.

I commit myself to stop participating in fear of loss and future projections pertaining to teaching my kids how to cope in this reality so that I may be clearer in my parenting with the time I have with them.

 When and as I see myself reacting to the idea of the word my children will have to face, I stop and breathe. I realize the fear of the world my children will have to face is just my fear of the manifested consequences we all participate in creating.

I commit myself to stop reacting with fear towards the consequences created and are being created so that I may practically take on responsibility towards our shared consequences and in this I commit myself to continue educating myself about what needs to be fixed and how; to simply make the practical transition to student/educator.

When and as I see myself participating in self judgment for any pain or suffering my kids will have to go through, I stop and breathe and be self honest about whether I am moving myself practically or am being directed through reaction. I realize I have been transferring my past experience of uncomfortable and painful emotions into future projections in my imagination - generating fear and anxiety.

I commit myself to stop judging myself and stop participation with future projections of my kids dealing with uncomfortable and or painful emotions so they don’t learn from me to react to their environment/world the same way I have, so that certain realizations, consequences or events do not = fear or self judgment.

http://desteni.org/

http://eqafe.com/

http://equalmoney.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

 

http://economistjourneytolife.blogspot.com/