Day 8 Zombie dream

I had a dream that I was being chased by zombies though I never seen them. I was aggressively out runing them, the dream felt very familiar as I knew every move I was going to make while jumping fences and climing up walls and runing down roads like I was untouchable. The dream jumped ahead to a scene in the day time where a woman came down from the sky in a jet pack and it was just known that she was realy good at slaying the zombies and people just walked around feeling safe because she was there.

In this dream I see how I’ve been using aggressive feelings to supress my fears and how I suppress my dream of having a happy family and feel if I find a woman everything can just come together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of my children not growing up to be well adjusted and able to have a good life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as aggression towards my children when I percieve them to be not acting correctly while not realizing the aggression is suppressed fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as suppressed desire for the picture perfect family while hoping I’ll find a woman that will be the missing piece of the puzzle, in this I see I am still existing in self interest  as a woman would be wanted to fit in my little dream world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of what actually needs to be done, as a part of me in separation of myself wants to run away from my responsabilities as a person who stands up for life.

I commit myself to understand that my aggressive behaviour is suppression of fear and to ask myself when I’m aggressive or angry -what is it I fear? Then make sure I’m here stable aware of my breath.

I commit myself to learn the best way to deal with children who act out of greed and self interest while I learn to deal with my own greed and self interest, so I can stand as a proper example.

I commit myself to no longer exist as desire of a happy family so I can be here in the physical doing what needs to be done for the children in my care and all children, by furthering my support of an equal money system.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

Day 7 The evil character

     There is a serious evil that is ingrained into my being it had gotten to the point where I would only laugh at the most blunt comedians  hurting people’s feelings I’d even laugh to myself if other people were trying to bring me down, I’d actually enjoy the wrongness of it. I see this as a character I created to deal with the bullshit of this existence. Even violence was funny (in a movie anyway). Wait is this me? Yep sorry buddy, this is what you’ve created Mwa ha ha ha.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend my ego with the evil character, where I would have to out evil the people around me (almost always men). I wonder if any of the wealthy elite try to out evil each other.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act as if evil equals strength when it is just a place to hide from reality.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully understand that I have dialed up the minds energy to max to create this character and as this character there is a serious mind possession.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully understand the sickness of the ego where everyone is trying to be superior to everyone else.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe evilness makes you superior to the actual sick reality we have created as the reality is just a reflection of myself and to believe an evil reaction to the bullshit is an actual over coming of the bullshit. Only real change can overcome the evil of this world starting with me.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cover up hurt with the evil character and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad hurt towards other peoples actions.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to the minds energy that is created through the evil character.

 I commit myself to no longer exist as the evil character or crave the energy I create from it in the name of what is best for all, this character dies tonight, till here no further.

 I commit myself to show how the evil character is created and what it can create in this world, from ‘harmless’ ribbing to a mother throwing her kids off a balcony even war and starvation.

 

I commit myself to delete all of the mind characters I have created to eventually always be HERE as breath equal and one in and as the physical.

Please investigate http://desteni.org/ 

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life.

Day 6 The mind is winning

     The mind is winning, at least that is how it seems sometimes and trying to find where I went wrong isn’t helping.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my mind wander after looking for how I lost myself in the mind.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a feeling of hopelessness after spending to much time as the mind as it is used as an excuse to just give in to the comfort of letting the mind just run.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just wander off if I’m attempting to make a self realization that just isn’t happening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of someone making a realization about me before I can, as I go into supperiority/ inferiority polarity as if someone helping me to come to a realization would mean I’m inferior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not let realizations come in turn as I’m not realy living if I feel I have to make a realization and then another without having a chance to wright out the first one. I can’t fill my whole day with self realizations.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope I can make a realization that others have not yet so I can get some kind of pat on the back reward instead of just writing myself out.

 I commit myself to no longer give in to the mind by fealing like its hopless just because I’m spending too much time wandering as a mind and realize it is simply me allowing it.

 I commit myself to stop pileing up and trying to constantly make self realizations and instead move on in self direction to get done what needs to be done in a day to let the realizations come in the moment do self forgiveness if needed and leave them till I have a chance to write them out.

 I commit myself to simply become the change needed to bring about a world that is best for all; one step at a time and not see one realization as more important than another or care who it is that makes it. To realize that in oneness we wake up together and dressing something up as profound is just a distraction.

Please investigate http://desteni.org/  

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life.

Day 4 Get out of my way

     I see myself going into anxiety when being crowded, distracted or being limited by the needs of others as I see my choices being taken away which should actually be easier, I will do self forgiveness here to align myself with what is best for all; which is in fact no choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards being crowded with the understanding that my movement being hindered takes away from my free choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the “GET OUT OF MY WAY” back chat of the mind that comes with the accepted and allowed anxiety of being crowded.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist what is best to do in the moment in order to keep my free choice.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize it is in self interest that I desire to be left alone to my free choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite fear with indifference in this creating a lack of any directive as fear limited my free choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into resistance when being asked to do something, as any task requires commitment which takes away from the feeling of having free choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize the paradox of free choice, as the free choice is not real because you can’t give away your free choice. Only through a process can one become actually directed as what is best for all life equally.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not start on a task in a single moment here as breath and follow through with the task in each moment in line with what is best for all.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into reaction and go into an energetic experience when being told to “get out of the way” in anger; as this has created a connection between anger and people being in the way and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards people being in my way.

I commit myself to stop all reaction to being crowded or people being in the way, I remain here in the physical respectfully considering ‘what is best for all’ in the moment.

I commit myself to not neglect reality or spite reality when there is a perceived decline of free choice, I remain here equal and one to the physical to see that I’m only neglecting and spiting myself.

I commit myself to stand in the realization that I am the one as the mind that is in my way of moving forward to create a world that is best for all in every moment of every breath. I no longer allow any blame on others outside of myself to diminish my self expression.

I commit myself to move myself in a single breath and move in the moment when taking on a task to easily switch tasks in a moment if needed.

Learn how to use self forgiveness, investigate http://desteni.org/ to become the change needed to bring about a world that is best for all equally.

Support an equal money system http://equalmoney.org/

Day 3 Sex/Romance desire

      I had done self forgiveness on sexual desire and now take on the romantic desire attached to it as I still see myself reacting to the opposite sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue the pattern of romantic desire as I see I want to have some kind of deep connection with another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here in the physical as I notice females and wonder if we could have a connection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a desire to make a connection with another through the act of sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of not being able to connect with a woman as I seek validation from another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize the separation from self that exists when seeking a connection to another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put sex on a pedestal as I have seen it as a way to make a real connection with another and seeing sex as some great experience and sometimes even some magical spiritual experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that during the act of sex 2 people can’t share the experience as both people experience it differently from their own perspective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the desire for sex is one of self interest as I’m looking for a desired experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as pictures of physical contact as it raises sexual energy in the form of desire as it separates me from the physical shared reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be programmed by romantic scenes in movies and TV as I am reminded of a scene from a movie where a beautiful girl walks out of the water to join her male partner she is stranded on an island with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as desire for young females as I have allowed the programming of my youth to continue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to picture the female genitals as the picture flashes often with energy/desire towards these pictures.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as desire for contact with the female genitals as it has been connected to sexual desire and self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to impress a female during sex as it is seen as a way of keeping her for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that violent thrusting is required as a way to impress while showing how powerful I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as desire to boost my ego with the act of sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as self judgment towards sexual arousal as I see myself losing a battle against sexual desire.

I commit myself to no longer desire a deep connection or experience with a female to take me away from HERE the physical reality and living in the moment. 

I commit myself to honour myself as life instead of seeking validation as ego by other people and no longer submit to a fantasy of a deep connection that would surely take me into a state of self interest mostly forgetting the rest of the world and extensive abuse of life that occurs in every corner of this manifested reality we are creating. 

I commit myself to not allow media to create a reaction in me that programs myself as desire toward sexual romantic fantasy and stop all past acquired programming that would take me out of reality. 

I commit myself to honour females as life and to not see them as an object to boost self image and to not see them as a prize to be won by impressing them. 

I further commit myself to do more self forgiveness if required on the point of sexual/romantic desire and realize I’m only battling myself.

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

Day2 Sex on a pedistal

    I have been observing myself building up energy towards the opposite sex lately when I’m out and about and its very much due to so much time putting sex upon a pedestal. I have seen this desire for sex as weakness for a long time and see how I try to hide this weakness from myself. Here I'll use the tools of self forgiveness to deconstruct sexual desire and to become self directive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the weakness of desiring sex as this desire causes much separation between me and the opposite sex and as future projections and past experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of being caught desiring a woman and making both the woman and myself uncomfortable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to at times not be able to see a woman as life and who she is because I can’t see past the desire being reflected back at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see me as less than due to energy build ups when around the opposite sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how good of a sexual partner a woman would be based on their appearance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an alternate reality while imagining how a certain woman’s  body would feel pressed against my own.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my sexual desire by not being too picky with what a woman looks like thus creating a superiority as ego to other males and hiding myself from and justifying the weakness of sexual desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in self judgement as I indulge in utter self disgust towards an image that flashed in my mind of touching a woman sexually as she approached me to talk today, as this image shocked me I jumped inside myself as the weakness of my sexual desires can no longer be ignored.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of not being able to purge myself of and as sexual energy/desire. (4 count breath here to stabilize self).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the total possession as sexual energy I become as it suppresses self expression and who I am as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place sexual experience as more than life and greater than other experiences instead of realizing every moment as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as wanting to impress a female with how good I can make her feel with sex so I can be seen as worthy of walking with in this life and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be with a woman who would improve my self image and the way others see me.

I commit myself to no longer exist as desire for sex, or allow sexual images or energy to suppress me and direct me; and instead be here as equal and one to all life.

I commit myself to be here as breath aware as breath and continue the work necessary to release myself from the prison of the mind.

I commit to further observe myself so I can stop any sexual thoughts/imagery and do further self forgiveness if required.

I commit myself to no longer have a need for a woman to show myself as worthy to others or myself as all are equal as life.

I commit myself to not let others possible perceived assumptions suppress my self expression and not try to guess about what they see in me.

Day 1 Response Able

     Have you ever thought to yourself that Humanity could do better? That maybe we should have done away with poverty, starvation and war by now. Hell we haven’t even done away with prejudice, child abuse, rape or even sexually objectifying each other. What exactly is the hold up here anyway?

     Well for one thing most of us are expecting someone else to do it for us; maybe our responsible respectable politicians, our all powerful and loving god, some of us are even hoping some enlightened beings will show up from another planet and show us how to fix ourselves up. All this hope of someone/something outside ourselves will step up and take care of us and the abuse of life on this planet falls neatly into the category of distraction; boy oh boy are we ever distracted, even while typing here I stop in distraction at the thought of describing all the distractions (what a mess).

    

     Obviously there is always plenty to do to maintain or increase our own comfort, survival, and self image as ego in our own personal lives; then maybe we have to keep up with our favourite sports team, TV series or video game. I ask you; where do you think we would be as a species if in this life every time we asked someone “how do I look in these clothes?” was replaced with “how do we fix this shared reality?”?????

     There is group of people that are in fact busy changing themselves to BECOME the change necessary to bring about a world that is best for all life equally within the principles of equality and oneness. They call themselves Destonians; these people use the tools of self forgiveness and self corrective application to recreate themselves into responsible beings that stand up for life, equal and one as life to bring about a world that is best for all.

   Through writing out self forgiveness and self corrective statements one can begin to remove the addiction to distractions in our lives including the distraction of the ever running mind that holds us captive through emotions, beliefs, desires, fear and so on.

If you actually ever thought we could do better and would like to take responsibility for our shared existence please investigate- http://desteni.org/

 and http://equalmoney.org/

Here is day 1 of writting myself to freedom

          I find my self to often whining in my head that I've bin beaten down by others and this thought of being beaten down is also coupled with whining that I was not given a sense of responsibilty, not even defining responsibility for myself until so late in life. I have worked very hard at a work place but always from the point of Ego or fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards past illusion/memories of being threatend and yelled at.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards past illusion/memories of being picked on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as feeling guilty for complaining as I'm aware many people have it worse than I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up an energetic experience when I see myself take on more responsibility as I realize I am setting myself up for a crash.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up an energetic experience when I see a change in self as I realize I am setting myself up for a crash.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel less than others for my past lack of resposibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see responsibility as something separate from myself as I must be responsible/one with responsible, instead of trying to have responsibility as if it were a commodity or something to own.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety when I see myself sit in idle and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self to sit Idle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let age of becoming responsible be an excuse to feel guilty, causing more waste of time thus compounding guilt and judging self as less than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt towards a lack of responsibility to run as a program, as guilt = idle = more guilt = more idle repeating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be obsessed with responsibility instead of living it one and equal, no longer in seperation from it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the thought of proveing my responsibility to others as it causes further seperation while creating future projections (false realities) and at the same time I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea to prove responsibility to myself as it creates seperation as future projections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I have bin giving my resposibility to the mind to direct me as it is so comfortable and easy to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize there is only so much I can do in a day as I have to work with consequences time and resources.

I commit myself to not let the past tell me who I am or who I'm going to be and simply be life, equal and one to all life.

I commit myself to stop complaining as the mind I stop the thoughts do self forgiveness and come back to our shared reality here as breath.

I commit myself to stop building up happy thought energy as I reflect over changes I see in myself no more looking back in time at 'a succesful day' as it causes seperation as the past is not HERE!

I commit myself to no longer cause seperation from myself as letting the mind tell me who I am as the past is not proof of who I am in reality.

I commit myself to fully realize any change is what I become and not a goal or something to own.

I commit myself to fully realize we are all programed from our environment and any judgment between self and others is not practicle.

I commit myself to stop myself as the mind by not dwelling on what I see myself lacking in, I stop bring myself back to reality as breath speaking self forgiveness when neccesary.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow the mind to run as future projections of possible tasks and the desired outcome of proof of who I am.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow the mind to direct me in lazyness and instead become self directed in every moment of every breath.

I further commit myself to continue the practice of self forgivness and take on what comes to me with in the confines of what is actually here as I am limited by the mind, time, and responsibilities I am already taking on.

Thanks for reading.