Day81 commitment resistance#6 determinism- SF+CS

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the belief of determinism believing I can’t make a commitment and stand by it because everything I will do is already written in stone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of making commitments because I existed within the belief the past has already decided who I am, as I see myself too often not standing by commitments, as I blame and justify my actions with determinism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self interest using determinism to justify continuing my accepted and allowed patterns of abuse through action and neglect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word determinism to the idea of not having any control and in this separate myself from existence, blaming all of existence for how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and what I accept and allow in and as existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word determinism with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a determinist to create an idea of superiority because of so called great minds that have called themselves determinists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize any belief, idea or definition of myself in the mind as nothing but an abstract illusion that creates confusion enslaving myself to the mind not realizing myself as life that I continue abusing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live in self direction as what determines the action I take in the physical to create myself in self perfection to stand for what is best for all as equal and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live as life undefined by past actions as living in memory serves as distraction from being ‘here’ self directing responsibly in and as the physical.

I commit myself to stop defining myself with a belief in determinism, till here no further. In this I further my commitment to retraining myself to move ‘here’ in the physical in every moment of every breath gaining self trust until what is best for all is the only actions written in stone. I no longer accept and allow the justification of determinism as a scapegoat to not take responsibility, if at any time thought, feeling or emotion comes up when making a commitment I stop, I breath and commit regarding what is best for all in self trust and clear all doubt.

I further my commitment to stop separating myself with abstract not real belief by exploring through self honesty and writing self forgiveness so as too longer be directed by illusion so there is nothing that serves as an excuse or justification to continue abusing through action and neglect toward our shared reality.

http://desteni.org/

http://eqafe.com/

http://equalmoney.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

 

Day80 commitment resistance #6 determinism

     So continuing on with exploring my resistance to commitment I am going to look at my relationship to determinism and how I accept and allow a belief that I cannot or may not take responsibility and that it’s really not up to me, this was in the past a point of superiority where I felt my belief was absolute but the way I interact with this belief is no different than the abdication of responsibility that comes from saying ‘it’s god’s will’. The consequences of believing in this detour-mind-ism is self doubt in making a commitment and committing myself in my self-direction, also I will continue to be a slave to my past memories, past acceptances and allowances as well as not become the creator of myself in my decision of who I am and will be. No belief is required to move myself!

Ism: a movement, doctrine, or system of belief

Determinism: the doctrine or belief that everything, including every human act, is caused by something and that there is no real free will.

Some word play-

Detour-mind-ism: detoured by a belief in the mind from self directed responsible action.

Debtor-MYnd-ism – my debtor ism: feeling a lack of power due to always owing something to someone or something in my mind, in debt to my past while enslaved to guilt and self judgment letting my past tell me who I am.

Debtor synonyms: nonpayer, defaulter, cheat. All words used in self judgment.

Self forgiveness and commitment statements to come…

 Forgive your self!!!!

http://desteni.org/

http://eqafe.com/

http://equalmoney.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ new free online course.

Day79 commitment resistance#5 dark side

     A couple days ago I had a nice little laugh at myself and just the pure craziness I exist in. Like many times before I had walked by my guitar and when seeing it I have an impulse to pick it up, at this time it was obviously not the best choice for anyone let alone what is best for all. So with my eyes fixed on the guitar I say “no I’m not giving in” then immediately go into “wait, I don’t have to give in to not giving in”. Through self honesty and a new gained awareness through writing and the desteni I process I was able to catch myself doing this, not only fully realizing what I was doing in this moment of ‘deciding’ but realizing how so many times I’ve done this in the past.

     I have a vague memory of how this started, in my past while participating within the polarity of good and evil I decided that participating in my ‘evil side’ was how to face fear, though the participation of evil was mostly in the mind it did to some degree direct me in reality and has a lot to do with the consequences I struggle with now – and though karma had come to kick my butt I did gain self honesty through trying to not give into fearing my ‘dark side’. I’ve had my butt kicked enough though; time to forgive myself and commit to not separating myself with a ‘dark side’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarity of good and evil where the ‘good’ choice triggers the ‘bad’ choice. I realize participating within this polarity leads to not taking self directive responsibility and my direction is left to chance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought “no I’m not giving in” to the thought “I don’t have to give in to not giving in”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought “no I’m not giving in” to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the thought “I don’t have to give in to not giving in”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into self interest while choosing to give in or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge ‘giving in’ as evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge ‘not giving in’ as good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to energetically charge giving in to ‘evil’ as exciting, with energy spiking vertically through the heart and spiking in my eyes as they widen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect not giving in to impulses to an emotional experience of anxiety as I see myself giving in to impulses all too often.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the idea of ‘giving in’ through judging it as ‘evil’, ‘bad’ and wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from myself through the idea/belief of having a dark side.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ego through having a ‘dark side’ in the secrecy of my own mind where I think I’m fooling people because no one can see my thoughts.

I commit myself to stop participation within the polarity of good and evil, I slow myself down through breathing and move myself in consideration of what is best for all when faced with thoughts, feelings and emotions towards making a choice so that I am moving myself in self direction here in the physical.

Whenever a thought come up in relation to “no I’m not giving in” or “I don’t have to give in to not giving in” I stop myself and make sure that nothing is moving me but me and direct myself here responsibly in the physical.

I commit myself to no longer separate myself through the idea/belief of having a darks side, if and when thoughts feelings and emotions come up in relation to having a dark side, I train myself to stop immediately and direct myself as equal and one with the physical with no imaginary dark side in the secrecy of the mind, realizing it as a self created belief that serves to justify not taking responsibility and can only serve to create abusive consequences.

http://desteni.org/  http://eqafe.com/ http://equalmoney.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/ http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ <- free online course

Day78 commitment resistance#4 committed

     In taking on my resistance to commitment I realized I’ve created a direct connection to the word committed which in turn is connected to several thoughts feelings and emotions which serve to limit self direction.

Words to consider:

Committed: To place officially in confinement or custody, as in a mental health facility.

Confinement: restriction or limitation within the boundaries or scope of something.

Confined or locked up.

Insane: not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word committed to commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word committed with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word committed as bad and negative within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word committed to an emotional experience of anxiety that feels like I’m being confined or unable to move. I see realize and understand giving into this emotional experience will limit my self-direction and limit taking responsibility at all levels of reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word committed with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word committed as ‘bad’, ‘negative’, ‘wrong’ or confining within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of judgment as in being labeled insane, were someone could decide to inflict harm on me or create consequences for me and in this ‘locking myself up’ as acquiescing to the system to keep myself safe in self interest by not rocking the boat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word confining with a negative value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize any real confinement as simply consequence that need direction and need to be walked through or dealt with to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word commitment to an emotional experience of being locked up as if I am confined or severed from free choice when making a commitment and in this not deciding who I will be, only to exist within chaos directed by whatever comes up in the mind or debating with myself making me less effective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the word committed as a decision of who I am and living the word committed as a decision to stand as ‘what is best for all’.

 

I commit myself to live the words committed and commitment as a decision of who I am and will be in this world and in this further my commitment to become a being that honors all life equally to bring about a world that is best for all.

I commit myself to stop participating in thoughts feelings and emotions connected to the words commitment and committed and instead direct myself in the decision to move responsibly.

I commit myself to stop giving into fear of judgment that serves to lock myself up from my response ability to change myself to take responsibility for our shared reality.

I commit myself to walk through my self created consequences fully aware of the difference between imagined confinement and the real confinements of space and time so I may direct real consequence in our world responsibly equal and one to all that is here.

  

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

 

Day77 commitment resitance Prt3 death is a big commitment CS

(commitment statments from last post)

I commit myself to self honestly realize any moment of abdicating responsibility towards it not being my choice to be here any thought feeling or emotion that may come up towards it not being my choice to be here will be a reminder to bring myself back ‘here’ aware of and as breath, if my mind starts to run this construct I stop immediately breathe and do self forgiveness if there is feeling or emotion attached.

I commit myself to fully realize that all blame is futile and it is something to merely be removed from my being so that I may stand up as a responsible custodian of life breath by breath in the here and now responsible for all life and all consequences including consequences formed from the past.

I commit myself to stop the connection between “death is a big commitment” and commitment using the solutions of self forgiveness, writing, self honesty and breath and to purify the word commitment completely to live it as the living word.

I commit myself to be fully aware of any feeling of reality closing in on me as a sign of me through self interest – protecting myself from facing myself and our shared physical reality. If and when I have any feeling of being trapped or being closed in on by reality I stop and breathe fully immersing myself into and as the physical so I no longer create consequences through ignoring reality.

I commit myself to stop participating with any knowledge and information regarding how I have no choice to be here or having no choice to die – so that I may live what is best for all with no choice but best for all choice.

I commit myself to stop participating with fear/anger of having no choice to be here as this I as an ego that can’t stand not being in control of everything if these emotions come up I apply self forgiveness and direct myself as simply ‘here’ as all as one as breath.

I commit myself to stop separating myself through the idea I have gained something special through experience, knowledge and information so I may stand as a living example of equality that place value on life.

 

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

Day76 commitment resistance Part3 death is a big commitment SF

     Here I continue walking my relationship with commitment to self honestly look at how I abdicate my responsibility to life. I’ve come to realize a little cage I put myself in with a statement I have attached to commitment “death is a big commitment” since I don’t see suicide as an option I see myself as trapped here and of course since I was born I am condemned to death so I have no choice there either and in this I pass blame onto the two that brought me here, ‘it’s not my choice to be here’.

     Note how many times I say the word I in all these statements showing the absolute separation from life that I exist in as the I of the beholder that pass judgment as an ego. The mind has absolutely become my own little self created cage and only I can walk myself out. Of course I would not be able to walk out if I was not able to see how I trap myself so – thank you to all my teachers, to all those sharing their insights and suggestions, thank you to all that have been vlogging and blogging and that are walking the journey to life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in anger to abdicate my responsibility to the idea that it’s not my choice to be here. I realize that if I continue participation with the idea of “it’s not my choice to be here” I will never really be ‘here’ and will continue to be directed by my past accumulated programming.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass blame on my parents for putting me in a situation where I would have to take responsibility through bringing me into this existence as I separate myself from life through blaming the past and missing the opportunity to take responsibility here and now as one as all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe this world/life is not my responsibility because I never asked to be here and in this try to coast through this life neglecting all that is here allowing myself to be directed through the mind as it moves me for me in separation from myself through automated reactions to my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety with the idea/thought “death is a big commitment” that I allow to make me feel trapped in this reality; I see realize and understand this is a fear of facing myself and reality as a whole and in self interest I use this fear/anxiety to justify not taking responsibility for myself as all life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation to believe I am trapped in this reality as I trap myself in and as a mind limiting my free expression and self movement as in feeling trapped I do not fully realize how I create an illusory feeling of reality closing in on me permeating my physical body so that I do not move myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear suppressed through anger as an ego lashing out at my apparent lack of free choice as myself as a mind consciousness system that must die and instead of realizing this as a simple fact that the death of myself as ego as this “I” in separation from myself as life equal and one is inevitable – I grasp at the straws of thoughts, feelings, emotions and beliefs in a desire for control and justify not taking responsibility in and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear towards having to die that I created in my youth as this special being I see myself as – needed to be preserved because I as the ego is so special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of loss created through my accepted and allowed separation as this special consciousness was something I gained, built, own and have and is not in fact me as the idea of owning something is not real and indicates separation.

Commitment statements to come…

 

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

 

Day75 commitment resistance Part2 out of control commitment statements

I commit myself to stop separating myself in viewing myself through the belief/idea of myself as out of control, whenever I feel myself going into anxiety or fear towards not choosing and taking on tasks effectively I stop bring myself back here as breath and direct myself in consideration of what is best for all making a new commitment in every moment of breath I can manage to be aware in while accumulating self trust.

I commit myself to stop participation with desire to create a positive self image through taking on tasks easily and stop the separation of myself in viewing an illusory picture of myself taking on commitment easily, I stop the mind and move myself in the physical ‘here’ in and as breath.

I commit myself to become fully aware of myself when not moving in consideration of what is best for all and face myself self honestly in the moment and not hide from myself in self interest through participating in anxiety and fear, when these fear and anxiety reactions come up I speak self forgiveness and apply myself here in the physical.

I commit myself to be fully aware of why I would choose one task over another and what task would be most effective in terms of what is best for all with the clear decision here in the moment of breath to move myself responsibly one breath at a time in real time.

I commit myself to stop the separation that exists in desiring to see myself in control just to feed myself as an ego if any thought or picture come up of myself in the mind in relation to seeing myself as self directed or in control I stop and bring myself back and move myself equal and one in and as the physical and direct myself breath by breath.

 

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

Day74 commitment resistance Part2 out of control

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards the idea of myself as out of control as I abdicate my responsibility to this idea that I carry with me from moment to moment so that I never self direct in responsibility to take control and in this forming a belief I cannot stand by commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of not being able to stand by commitments as I perpetuate self doubt where there is an element of self doubt in every commitment I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self interest to desire creating a positive self image through taking on commitment easily and in this creating separation with and as myself as I exist in two polar ideas/projections of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger as I see myself encountering resistance to committing myself to a task in the moment only to create more resistance to self movement, as I participate with and wrestle with this anger in separation of myself I realize I am neglecting the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety in the idea of myself with no control and not able to self direct and in this create separation where I desire to be in control and not facing the lack of self direction in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to the idea of me being out of control and then in this idea just give into the mind to direct me to do whatever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards too much choice as in too much to do as I want everything done now and in this I’m getting little done as I am spending time in the mind participating with all the things I can be doing that can only be done in real time ‘here’ in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into tasks that are easy or entertaining only to go into anxiety and self blame and in this participating with thoughts, feelings, and emotions that keep myself enslaved to the mind and not taking responsibility here in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation through the idea of control which is just a desire for certain outcomes to feel better about myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view self direction as a way of seeing myself as I separate myself from myself creating an alternate personality to attempt to feed myself energy as an ego.

Self commitment statements to come. Tbc

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

 

Day73 Resistance to commitment Part1 easily distracted

     On my last post it seems very much so that I have cleared this need to redeem myself from searching for answers; in this I have cleared my main drive/motivation for this process. It seems I’m mostly left with myself and a decision, I can leave myself to chaos as chaos, train myself to stand for what is best for all or if I really don’t care I can go find a corner to starve to death on. The problem here seems obvious to me, these are all big commitments. Maybe I’m making this more difficult than it is, though I have been trained to exist in self interest and what is best for all is relatively new to me- ‘what is best for all’ has the momentum.

     I ask myself what is left with all self interest removed. I see I have been looking for motivation running through many feelings and emotions and they are useless. What is left without self interest? Just myself… and I must make a commitment to who I will be. I commit myself to stand for what is best for all. How? When I can manage to be aware I make a new commitment in every breath. I commit every word I type to what is best for all, every word I say to what is best for all, every move I make to what is best for all, every breath I breathe to what is best for all, a self directed commitment to retrain myself out of self interest and into standing for what is best for all is the only way. It is a strange new unknowable thing to keep going in this process without an external or abstract motivation. I hear the problem is always the solution so I will take on my resistance to commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in negative self judgment as I see I am not good at committing to tasks or goals because it is easier to exist in the mind feeding a negative self image than move myself in consideration of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in negative self judgment seeing I am not showing respect for others and all life by not moving myself on tasks consequentially participating in the mind and perpetuating a lack of self movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of others being let down if they invest time in me which is actually just more time in the mind not directing myself in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in sadness as I project this feeling on to others in and as a mind as I sabotage myself setting myself up to fail.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear while projecting anger on to other beings as I create a false reality in the mind where I have already failed and am creating negative consequences for myself. I realize the consequences of spending time in this mind reality are an actual ineffectiveness to bring about a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be easily distracted by impulses and in this participate within distractions in my day to day living.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face the fact that I am easily distracted and in this failing to change the fact that I am easily distracted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in past realities where I see myself being easily distracted creating a belief of who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a depressed emotional state feeling defeated and deflated within myself in seeing that I am easily distracted and in this just giving up and giving into distractions just to pacify myself only to feed the idea of myself as unable to move myself responsibly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self doubt of being able to stand by commitments and in this creating in separation of myself a need for a belief that I can move myself and live the commitment(s) I make and with little proof to create this belief I continue on in separation as the belief I cannot stand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in anxiety to become distracted by multiple tasks making me ineffective at any as I create consequences of proof that I am easily distracted and in this feeding the idea that I cannot move myself effectively.

I commit myself to stop participation with fear of commitment and to stop participating in negative self judgment through viewing myself in alternate mind realities of memory of not effectively moving myself on tasks, if and when these thoughts/memories come up I stop and breathe myself in and as the physical and commit myself to be self directed in the moment.

I commit myself to stop participating in projecting my own thoughts, feelings and emotions onto others in an alternate reality of the mind so I will stop feeding my own negative self image that only create consequences that sabotage bringing about a world that is best for all. In this I commit myself to breathe ‘here’ in self direction to create consequences that are best for all, when I see that am setting myself up for failure in the mind I stop immediately and stabilize myself in and as the physical aware of and as breath.

I commit myself to- if and when I am distracted by impulse I take notice and fully realize what it is I am participating with and correct myself accordingly in the moment and stop past memory from directing me to give in to distraction understanding the past is not proof of who I am in the moment.

I commit myself to not pacify myself through giving into distractions, if and when I see myself wanting to give up or give in to defeat – I stop and stabilize myself in the physical and direct my breathing – I breathe myself in self direction in and as the physical.

 I commit myself to stop the separation in requiring some abstract motivation and not participate in the belief that I cannot move myself effectively- I face myself in the moment not carrying any ‘proof’ into the next moment rebirthing myself in and as the physical as breath.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.