A couple days ago
I had a nice little laugh at myself and just the pure craziness I exist in.
Like many times before I had walked by my guitar and when seeing it I have an impulse to pick it up, at
this time it was obviously not the best choice for anyone let alone what is
best for all. So with my eyes fixed on the guitar I say “no I’m not giving in” then
immediately go into “wait, I don’t have to give in to not giving in”. Through
self honesty and a new gained awareness through writing and the desteni I
process I was able to catch myself doing this, not only fully realizing what I
was doing in this moment of ‘deciding’ but realizing how so many times I’ve
done this in the past.
I have a vague
memory of how this started, in my past while participating within the polarity
of good and evil I decided that participating in my ‘evil side’ was how to face
fear, though the participation of evil was mostly in the mind it did to some
degree direct me in reality and has a lot to do with the consequences I
struggle with now – and though karma had come to kick my butt I did gain self
honesty through trying to not give into fearing my ‘dark side’. I’ve had my
butt kicked enough though; time to forgive myself and commit to not separating
myself with a ‘dark side’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate within the polarity of good and evil where the ‘good’ choice
triggers the ‘bad’ choice. I realize participating within this polarity leads
to not taking self directive responsibility and my direction is left to chance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect
the thought “no I’m not giving in” to the thought “I don’t have to give in to
not giving in”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought “no
I’m not giving in” to exist as a trigger point within me, which triggers the
thought “I don’t have to give in to not giving in”.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give
into self interest while choosing to give in or not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge
‘giving in’ as evil.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge
‘not giving in’ as good.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to energetically
charge giving in to ‘evil’ as exciting, with energy spiking vertically through
the heart and spiking in my eyes as they widen.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect
not giving in to impulses to an emotional experience of anxiety as I see myself
giving in to impulses all too often.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
separate myself from the idea of ‘giving in’ through judging it as ‘evil’,
‘bad’ and wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist
in separation from myself through the idea/belief of having a dark side.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist
as ego through having a ‘dark side’ in the secrecy of my own mind where I think
I’m fooling people because no one can see my thoughts.
I commit myself to stop
participation within the polarity of good and evil, I slow myself down through
breathing and move myself in consideration of what is
best for all when faced with thoughts, feelings and emotions towards
making a choice so that I am moving myself in self direction here in the physical.
Whenever a thought come up in
relation to “no I’m not giving in” or “I don’t have to give in to not giving
in” I stop myself and make sure that nothing is moving me but me and direct
myself here responsibly in the physical.
I commit myself to no longer separate
myself through the idea/belief of having a darks side, if and when thoughts
feelings and emotions come up in relation to having a dark side, I train myself
to stop immediately and direct myself as equal and one with the physical with
no imaginary dark side in the secrecy of the mind, realizing it as a self
created belief that serves to justify not taking responsibility and can only
serve to create abusive consequences.
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