On my last post it
seems very much so that I have cleared this need to redeem myself from
searching for answers; in this I have cleared my main drive/motivation for this
process. It seems I’m mostly left with myself and a decision, I can leave
myself to chaos as chaos, train myself to stand for what is best for all or if
I really don’t care I can go find a corner to starve to death on. The problem
here seems obvious to me, these are all big commitments. Maybe I’m making this
more difficult than it is, though I have been trained to exist in self interest
and what is best for all is relatively new to me- ‘what is best for all’ has
the momentum.
I ask myself what
is left with all self interest removed. I see I have been looking for
motivation running through many feelings and emotions and they are useless.
What is left without self interest? Just myself… and I must make a commitment to
who I will be. I commit myself to stand for what is best for all. How? When I
can manage to be aware I make a new commitment in every breath. I commit every
word I type to what is best for all, every word I say to what is best for all,
every move I make to what is best for all, every breath I breathe to what is
best for all, a self directed commitment to retrain myself out of self interest
and into standing for what is best for all is the only way. It is a strange new
unknowable thing to keep going in this process without an external or abstract
motivation. I hear the problem is always the solution so I will take on my resistance
to commitment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of
commitment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist
in negative self judgment as I see I am not good at committing to tasks or
goals because it is easier to exist in the mind feeding a negative self image than
move myself in consideration of what is
best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in
negative self judgment seeing I am not showing respect for others and all life
by not moving myself on tasks consequentially participating in the mind and
perpetuating a lack of self movement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of
others being let down if they invest time in me which is actually just more
time in the mind not directing myself in the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in sadness as I project this feeling on to others in and as a mind
as I sabotage myself setting myself up to fail.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear
while projecting anger on to other beings as I create a false reality in the
mind where I have already failed and am creating negative consequences for
myself. I realize the consequences of spending time in this mind reality are an
actual ineffectiveness to bring about a world that is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be
easily distracted by impulses and in this participate within distractions in my
day to day living.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to
face the fact that I am easily distracted and in this failing to change the
fact that I am easily distracted.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist
in past realities where I see myself being easily distracted creating a belief
of who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in a depressed emotional state feeling defeated and deflated within
myself in seeing that I am easily distracted and in this just giving up and
giving into distractions just to pacify myself only to feed the idea of myself
as unable to move myself responsibly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self
doubt of being able to stand by commitments and in this creating in separation
of myself a need for a belief that I can move myself and live the commitment(s)
I make and with little proof to create this belief I continue on in separation
as the belief I cannot stand.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in anxiety
to become distracted by multiple tasks making me ineffective at any as I create
consequences of proof that I am easily distracted and in this feeding the idea
that I cannot move myself effectively.
I commit myself to stop participation with fear of commitment
and to stop participating in negative self judgment through viewing myself in
alternate mind realities of memory of not effectively moving myself on tasks,
if and when these thoughts/memories come up I stop and breathe myself in and as
the physical and commit myself to be self directed in the moment.
I commit myself to stop participating in projecting my own
thoughts, feelings and emotions onto others in an alternate reality of the mind
so I will stop feeding my own negative self image that only create consequences
that sabotage bringing about a world that is best for all. In this I commit
myself to breathe ‘here’ in self direction to create consequences that are best
for all, when I see that am setting myself up for failure in the mind I stop
immediately and stabilize myself in and as the physical aware of and as breath.
I commit myself to- if and when I am distracted by impulse I
take notice and fully realize what it is I am participating with and correct
myself accordingly in the moment and stop past memory from directing me to give
in to distraction understanding the past is not proof of who I am in the
moment.
I commit myself to not pacify myself through giving into
distractions, if and when I see myself wanting to give up or give in to defeat
– I stop and stabilize myself in the physical and direct my breathing – I
breathe myself in self direction in and as the physical.
I commit myself to
stop the separation in requiring some abstract motivation and not participate
in the belief that I cannot move myself effectively- I face myself in the
moment not carrying any ‘proof’ into the next moment rebirthing myself in and
as the physical as breath.
Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn
how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.
Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop
the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.
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