Day68 Facing self interest defenses

     I am going to start chipping away here at my self-interest, it seems there may be many layers to this as in self interest I defend my self-interest. As I realize that not considering all life is not common sense, in self honesty I can easily see my actions are in contradiction to common sense. It is only in the mind that I have formed an illusion of common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a belief or mind created illusion that I care about our shared physical reality as I use this to defend what I have accepted and allowed in self interest. I can see the consequence of this belief is that I suppress the way I see myself moving through my day - that is the proof of how I exist within a day and create an inability to face myself within my accepted and allowed self-interest. Another consequence I can see is the other side of the coin where I look at the proof of how I exist in self interest and form the belief that I do not give a shit and just give up and say “this is how I am” and just give up on myself perpetuating the acceptance and allowance of self interest. I now see, realize and understand that either belief about myself create limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize I exist in a polarity swing of negative and positive self image believing I am special and do not give into self interest and then hopeless in seeing my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to purposefully choose to act in self interest and justify with a belief that I will stand for what is best for all later and in that choose more entertainment or rest, I see realize and understand that within this justification there is a missed opportunity to change and stand for what is best for all and I’m acting as if another moment will be better to change in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards difficulty in seeing and facing points of self-interest as I’m not sure how much I accept and allow to defend my self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that giving into or participating with any needs, want or desire is in fact self-interest and that I have accepting and allowing self interest as acceptable not realizing I am creating and perpetuating conflict and friction with my family, society, world and myself through lack of contribution to what is best for all.

I commit myself to further investigation of my participation with self-interest and stop the participation with beliefs about weather I care or not so as to practically look at where I am not standing for what is best for all.

I commit myself to live fully aware in the realization that need, want and desire is in fact self-interest and is not practical common sense and in that I commit myself to not justify self-interest as acceptable.

I commit myself to learn to not participate within anxiety towards the work that still lay ahead of me to become a being that stands for what is best for all.

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