Day69 error, satisfaction not found

     I’m not enjoying myself and part of the reason is I am trying to extract some kind of enjoyment out of things that are just not enjoyable. For example, a nice cup of hot coffee in my mind is believed to be enjoyable when in fact it’s really just the heat that I get any enjoyment from and that enjoyment is very minimal. On a daily bases I over caffeinate myself to get some kind of satisfaction that is just not happening. The consequence of this addiction to coffee is it makes me very sluggish, it messes with my sleep and wastes my time and most of all makes me less effective in anything I do including enjoying myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be fully aware of whether or not I am actually enjoying myself within my daily living as I mostly am just sabotaging myself and causing health issues.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be fully aware that I have been trying to find satisfaction constantly without actually doing anything that is satisfying.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form beliefs that I enjoy acts such as drinking coffee or smoking cigarettes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect being stimulated to enjoyment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety in being bored to direct me to find a quick fix in easy time consuming habits. I realize the consequence is that I don’t take on new challenges or find better healthier and more constructive things to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards tasks that take multiple steps to complete as I rely on pictures in my head to know how to work through a task and if I can’t hold all the pictures in my mind I give up on the task in my mind. I realize this is when I opt to take on a one picture task and try to draw some satisfaction from it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with pictures that flash in the mind as the minds interpretation of the physical as I rely on the minds picture interpretation as instruction to move in the physical. I see as I give into these instructions that I neglect to direct myself to even consider common sense in my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to maintain a certain physical state that is unhealthy just because it’s what I’ve become accustomed to.

I commit myself to slow down to see and consider if my actions are mere acts of futility or self sabotage and instead consider more constructive tasks that are not just time wasters.

I commit myself to stop the beliefs about whether or not something is enjoyable and to slow down and investigate if have formed any belief about whether something is enjoyable or not.

I commit myself to stop sabotaging my human physical body with substances just for the sake of having something to do or find some easy satisfaction while abusing myself.

I commit myself to stop relying on pictures to be able to move or to direct me at all, instead of trying to hold multiple pictures in my mind I move myself start to finish breath by breath, if and when I get a picture flash I stop I breathe and direct myself here in the physical.

I commit myself to be patient with my physical state as in how I feel and stick to practical common sense to see if what I’m doing is healthy.

 

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