Day62 I am life equal and one

     I have been experiencing some fear of commitment to exactly what I have set out to do and that is to become fully aware of myself as equal and one, a simple aspect of all that is here and give all of myself to myself as equal and one - all the while creating consequences and confusion towards how to dance with consequences/challenges around me. I am living a double life here and this Matt character will go whether others like it or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully commit to and realize self as equal and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposing myself to others my realization of myself as equal and one as life as I may be judged as strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear while judging myself as strange.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposure = commitment to deletion of the Matt character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of loss as I hold on to the Matt character with feelings of nostalgia as in this character my story has been ‘so special’, I now see realize and understand that the Matt character has been about self interest accepting and allowing myself to view my own personalized reality in separation of myself as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value over life to a story.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposing/sharing my story with anyone as I don’t want to be judged as an ego or as self interest as others would see the value I put on my own story. This fear came up as a major reaction to explaining how I heard the desteni message as it has been my ‘special’ life story that has added up to hearing the desteni message.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep running the back chat “it’s too good to be true” creating a thought loop of trying to figure out how exactly am I getting this kind of insight and support as I am relying on knowledge and information to move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to knowledge and information realizing I don’t need to know every fucking thing to stand up for myself as life equal and one.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that not realizing all as equal is purely a mind fabricated judgment that is required to be exposed to everyone.

I commit myself to full acceptance of who I am as life as equal and one and not hide as the Matt character and no longer accept and allow fear to keep me from standing up for self as life.

I commit myself to not participate with fear of judgment towards realizing myself as life and not judge myself as strange.

I commit myself to share my self realization as life openly as well as sharing how I got to this point if anyone really wants to know - simply as a matter of fact and not as some special story. I no longer accept and allow myself to place value on my story – till here no further and no longer will I accept and allow myself as fear of being judged as an ego if I am to mention anything about how I got here.

I commit myself to stop relying on knowledge and information to move myself here in the physical without the need to know everything for sure - so I can move responsibly and stand up for all life equally, no need to know, I simply breathe, self directed equal as one as breath in the physical.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out what it means to stand as a responsible being that stands up for life.

http://equalmoney.org/ Lets place value on life with equal money.

Day61 inconsiderate

     There were two points today where I had gotten a little angry at people for being inconsiderate; the first incident was when I was walking with my kids – as we were walking up to the corner a man came barreling up to the stop sign so as to just be careful enough to not crash into any cars, the way he was driving was quite inconsiderate to us and it could of even turned out that someone got hurt if I wasn’t watching. The second incident was when my daughter was sitting on the floor in the living room and she started grinding her foot on her brothers coloring book which I considered being inconsiderate to her brother.

     Now I see in my anger (I did keep in check to a certain degree) was a reflection of myself as I was being inconsiderate; not considering that it takes time for a child to learn to consider her surroundings as she is new to this reality and it’s my job to help her learn how to be considerate to other people, what’s going on around her and her world as a whole. I was also inconsiderate towards the man in the truck speeding down the road as he probably was not raised by parents who understood what it takes to raise a child to be considerate and I’m sure there is plenty of factors that add up to this man flying down the road. Many of us never grow up to be considerate of others let alone be considerate of reality as a whole, not considering what we can do for those who suffer poverty or abuse or the environment we continuously poison. Maybe it’s time to redefine what it means to be a grown up from an age or biological change to being considerate to all life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards others being inconsiderate and not realizing this anger is just a reflection of myself being inconsiderate.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient with my children while not considering the time and effort it takes to teach a child to be considerate and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient with self as I try to rush my parenting/teaching.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of my children reflecting my lack of consideration as it is known that children mimic their parents behavior and I would be judged according to their behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to parent out of self interest and fear of judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself as less than for parenting out of self interest and impatience while conjuring images from the past of myself as impatient.

I commit myself to stop participating with anger towards people being inconsiderate and not pass judgment on myself or others for being inconsiderate.

I commit myself to raise my children with patience and understand that it takes time to learn to consider the world and people around you.

I commit myself to stop judging myself through my children’s actions and stop projecting that judgment onto others. If I feel judged by others because of my children’s actions I stop the participation with judgment right away and breathe myself here in the physical.

 

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day60 CONtemplation

    CONtemplation –conning myself into believing I’m figuring things out. We can call it processing information, a form of inaction that is so normal it’s simply seen as just the way we are. Who would question such things? Isn’t this how we form opinions? Notice that we don’t need to form facts the facts are already here. The fact about facts is you can use them or you can’t, the fact about opinions is if we keep forming them humanity will never get its act together. What do we CONtemplate? How to get more and how to just keep ourselves safe i.e. self interest, then we form opinions to justify that self interest. This way we will never fully realize what it means to give as we would like to receive. If we can’t decide to do what is best for all in the moment instead of CONtemplating we will CONtinue to CONform as CONsumers propagating world CONflict and life will continue to be abused and neglected. Stop the mind and be the change you want to see in the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in the con of contemplation as if I am awaiting orders from my programming that will be formed out of an opinion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the mind to go ahead and figure things out for me only to keep me from self direction and self realizing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lulled into a trance through giving into the mind as I contemplate myself right out of the physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear directing me to formulate arguments to protect myself in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become entertained through contemplation where I create future projections to amuse myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify contemplation as normal, not in my control, my nature and form a belief that I can’t stop as I have spent most of my life abdicating my self responsibility to the mind and its habit of contemplation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize contemplation= conflict through lack of commitment to what is best for all; so I can justify other actions or just abdicate responsible self direction to the act of contemplation its self and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that it is this abdication to the mind and lack of commitment to what is best for all that manifests in the world as war, poverty, starvation and abuse.

I commit myself to stop contemplating myself out of reality so I can get orders from the mind just so the idea of myself can stay safe and get more, if I detect the fear or desire that would pull me into the mind I stop I breathe and self direct in the physical.

I commit myself to self realize and stand up for myself as life; equal and one as all life. If I catch myself giving into the mind and start contemplating; I stop in the realization that I am participating in feeding an idea of self merely an idea protecting itself enslaving life through definition.

I commit myself to stop entertaining myself through contemplation that would keep me in the mind and away from responsible self direction.

I will no longer justify contemplation as normal acceptable behavior and I drop the belief that contemplation cannot be stopped, I realize contemplation as self interest and will bring it to a halt with practice as I stop myself if I see myself giving in until I have stopped for ever.

I commit myself to what is best for all life equally to make contemplation irrelevant, to stop conflict with and as myself as life realizing contemplation as useless in the face of self honest self direction to do what is best. I stop, I breathe, I’m here and the self created con dissolves into nothingness.

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

 

Day59 "I can't do it" vs "kick ass" characters

     Sitting here thinking about what point to take on while I’m running over the things I need to get done and have not gotten too, I see that I am sitting in a character the ‘I can’t do it’ character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the ‘I can’t do it’ character where I waste breaths setting myself up for failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize myself within a character that would pull me in the opposite direction I want to go in. I see now I have been doing battle with this character for at least a decade and this battle is based in conflict with a future projected character where I see myself going at my responsibility like a machine the ‘kick ass character’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation by projecting the ‘kick ass character’ where I am not actually here effectively and practically changing at a rate that’s reasonable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety within the ‘I can’t do it’ character where I run over all of my responsibilities in the mind where it becomes over whelming and suppresses my expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within the battle between the ‘I can’t do it’ and the ‘kick ass’ characters to create future projections of a better world and a world that turns to total shit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/face myself in the moment to see what I am actually doing in the physical instead of dwelling in characters of and in the mind creating resistance through future and past projections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within the ‘I can’t do it’ character where I dwell on what’s not getting done to become irritable towards people reminding me of my responsibilities and just wanting to tell everyone to fuck off.

I commit myself to stop wasting my breaths within the ‘I can’t do it’ and kick ass characters and stop feeding the mind energy through anxiety, I stop I breathe and direct self in the moment as a responsible being.

I commit myself stop separating myself with projections of who I am or will be and be practical about my change one breath at a time.

I commit myself to stop taking on multiple tasks at the same time within the mind and not participate in anger towards being reminded by others, realizing anything including considering what needs to be done can only be done practically in the physical. Whatever I’m doing I do aware of and as breath aligning myself with what is best for all.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day58 Dealing with other peoples emotions

     Emotion; if you want to help someone out and there in a bad place emotionally and this emotion is directing their point of view and it seems they don’t want to budge from their emotional state; it seems there are 3 options.

·        Walk away: If it is the best option than fine, but it’s not cool if you walk away just to keep yourself safe, if you don’t care or you give up on them too easily out of laziness.

·        Plot a path: try to find a way around the emotions, though this can be a cowardly way to go; you can find a way to distract them from their emotions, say something that will change their point of view and inject some of your perspective. This little dance around the emotions can be viewed as manipulative but might be the best option to calm things down.

·        Put yourself in the line of fire: go right through the person’s emotions and your own, this can be the most challenging option and if successful it was probably the best option but you might want to access the situation to make sure you’re not going to be beaten to a pulp and left for dead. Lets approach it like this “why are you blaming your emotions on everything else?” “Stop playing these emotional games, you’re doing it to yourself, why do you let your emotions get the best of you?” Of course you can also learn how to direct yourself instead of letting your emotions direct you and then show others how you did it.

Here is how I do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of having other people’s emotions directed towards me and inflicting consequences onto me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear -directing me to pick the easiest option when faced with the possibility of having someone’s emotions directed towards me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create future projections of trying to help someone in a bad emotional state and being attacked for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety and not realizing I am building emotional energy in future projections that would cause me to fall in the face of assisting someone in a bad emotional state.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view/believe that the direct approach to helping people emotionally is the hard way, realizing it’s my emotions that I allow to direct me that connect the direct approach to the hard way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of losing support from another if I was to support them with dealing with their emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider the best option for dealing with emotions and not directing myself in the best way for whoever is involved.

I commit myself to stop participating with fear of other people’s emotions to direct myself responsibly for the best possible outcome for all involved.

I commit myself to stop participating with and emotionally charging future projections of dealing with emotions and realize it’s my emotions that can potentially get in the way of helping someone. When faced with an emotional situation I stop all that moves within me and breathe in and as the physical and direct myself responsibly.

I commit myself to not pass judgment on possible actions as in -the easy way or the hard way, to not charge the options as negative or positive energy so there is only self direction

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

 

Day 57 'I feel bad for you' character

     So I sat down at one point today and started to get a little bummed out as I noticed myself sitting there being sad I quickly sat up strait took a breath and asked myself “what game am I playing?” it’s a character… the ‘I feel bad for you’ character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the ‘I feel bad for you’ character where I sit and waste my time giving into the mind to dwell in sadness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dwell on other peoples burdens, viewing the overall picture of people I know and seeing it as unchangeable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the emotional energy I label as sadness and connecting it to thoughts of how hard it is to help other people and solve their problems or help them out of their turmoil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate responsibility to the mind and dwelling in sadness so I can sit in comfort instead of actually changing myself and moving myself to take responsibility in and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation from other people in viewing ‘their problems’ -as we are all connected and all effect each other, realizing it’s up to me to be response able and respond to what I will and will not accept and allow within my ability to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize and understand that increased ability to respond come with the practice of responding; one foot in front of the other step by step.

I commit myself to stop participating within the ‘I feel bad for you’ character realizing sitting around feeling emotional about people’s situations is good for nothing. If I find myself slipping into the ‘I feel bad for you’ character I breathe myself back to the physical and direct self to take on some responsibility.

I commit myself to stop dwelling in the mind as bad feelings about people’s situations being fully aware that existing in such emotional states is useless, I can’t do anything for imaginary images of people in my mind.

I commit myself to stop separating myself in seeing ‘their problems’ realizing there is only my responsibility to myself in and as the physical to bring about a world that is best for all.

I further my commitment to move myself to take on more responsibility; I direct self to respond to the physical, growing in my ability to respond accumulating responsibility step by step, breath by breath till there is nothing else left.

 

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

Day56 "fck off" it's MInd time

     I’m not always cool with people when they tear me from my own little bubble, if my thoughts are running and I’m pulled away from it or I’m running on automatic involved in some task I get annoyed and the back chat is straight up “fuck off”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger and becoming annoyed with being interrupted from my own little bubble.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger connected to “fuck off” that comes up in a sharp blast of energy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be grateful for being pulled out of my bubble and simply accept it as support from the person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in my own little bubble as a diversion from the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be pulled into and as the mind and being addicted to letting the mind run and direct me in tasks as my mind time is my time and it’s rude to interrupt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider it rude to be interrupted from the mind and react to the interruption as if I’m being bothered.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider and treat reality as a nuisance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have it all backwards and not consider the mind as the distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have our shared reality as my preferred reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify anger in being interrupted from the mind instead of forgiving the anger as I would rather believe there is nothing wrong with me and the anger isn’t just me being out of control.

I commit myself to stop treating our shared reality as an annoyance and stop participating with anger and the “fuck off” back chat when interrupted from my own little world. I can even thank the person for snapping me out of my bubble accepting it as support as I breathe myself back into the physical.

I commit myself to stop going into the mind as if it were some kind of special break from reality where I go to relax and not treat being caught in my mind as rudeness.

If and when I go into anger from being interrupted from running on automatic in the mind, I take responsibility for the laps and forgive myself instead of making a justification in judging the person who snapped me out of it and be sure to not judge myself for giving into anger.

I commit myself to stop choosing my own little world over our shared reality and continue to increase my time ‘here’ in the physical until I’m ‘here’ in every moment of every breath or until I’m dead.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day55 My connection to my home

     Here I will go ahead and deconstruct my relationship with the place I spend most of my time; the house I live in. I realize this house has become a symbol of defeat that has much to do with standards existing within competition with the people I see in and around the area of my community as I am failing very much as a capitalist. As I go ahead and blame the scent of the house, the familiarity of the house, the people in it and etc. what’s becoming clear is that my understanding of what is actually going on with me in this house and my relationship to it is… I have not really understood what is going on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that I have allowed myself to be pulled down by the minds energy to a point of tiredness just through my connection to the scent of the house. I realize this tiredness as a subconscious giving into defeat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the house in judgment of it being too comfortable in a boring sense, in doing this I have created a mental cage for myself using the house as an excuse for laziness/tiredness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize I’m giving into defeat when I am walking to the house in the morning after bringing the kids to school already looking at how I’ve been when inside the house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider my mother that is going to be in the house as a distraction and in this passing blame on her in connection to the house. That is when I go into giving up instead of directing myself in and as my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self judgment in not being successful in life and being under par, not having anything of value that is my own like a house that I own.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value on myself and others through how much material gain and money people have. This is just perpetuating competition and the enslavement to the idea of winning and losing in the current system as what gives us value instead of valuing life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsible action here in the physical as I allow myself to be directed through self judgment, blame and excuses; choosing to give up in defeat instead of directing myself breath by breath moving towards the best possible outcome.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being alone to direct myself without the possibility of judgment or demands allowing my environment to direct me… or rather my thoughts and emotional reaction to different conditions.

I commit myself to stop reacting to and participating with a relationship to the house I live in and not give into the idea of defeat or give into tiredness as a way of giving up.

I commit myself to stop being directed by the idea of being judged; realizing that I have to decide the best possible action and have to deal with others the best I can. I direct self breath by breath.

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to place value on myself and others in terms of where we are on the ladder of success or how much money or things we possess.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day 54 The wall/out there

     What’s stopping me… this fear… this imaginary wall keeping me in check, not letting me be me. What is it? Let’s look at its dynamics and find out what I’m doing. The wall seems to be projected out there between myself and other people; obviously the wall is in myself… in my mind. It is a desire to project an idea I have about myself. It is a reflection of how I see other people and how they will judge me. It’s my wall; it keeps me safe. If I look out into the room I can sense it between me and my brother. I can even almost see it and begin to give it color. It’s a little difficult to realize because I don’t understand the mechanics of it and I want to know the ‘why’ but the wall is resistance created by the desire to project myself. I can’t really put me out there. IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD! As for the ‘why’ I don’t really care. This is as much as I will realize about the wall… at least for now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an imaginary wall of resistance by projecting an idea of myself out there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project an idea/belief of myself that’s an illusory facsimile created through desired outcome.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project an idea of out there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize it’s all in the mind… the wall, fear of judgment, the idea of myself, the idea of other people and what they are thinking and the idea that anything is out there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of letting go of a belief of out there when I can just simply be here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in feeding the mind energy to create an imaginary wall of resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create future projections of myself creating a desired effect on other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as desire to affect other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project/create judgment, beliefs and ideas about other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear so as to create an illusory wall off protection to keep me safe from judgment and to keep or make it easier to get what I want from other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as lack of self expression through fear of judgment and fear of others emotional expression towards what I express… or what it is that I do.

I commit myself to stop creating resistance through projecting an idea of myself and stop the desires for certain outcomes, if I project myself in an alternate reality I shake it off, I say “no” and I breathe myself back to reality here in the physical.

I commit myself to stop the separation through creating an out there, stop filtering reality through judgment and stop creating conceptions of other people so as to stop keeping each other in check, to stop the enslavement to the mind created limitations.

I commit myself to stop feeding the mind energy through anxiety and fear towards judgment so as to express myself freely and I commit myself to express myself without a desired outcome; I breathe ‘here and I express in self direction.

I commit myself to become fully aware of myself as a being simply taking responsibility for our shared existence to bring about a world that is best for all and becoming capable of seeing this responsibility manifested in the physical.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day 53 Neglect and distraction

     Let’s crawl through this one, going to have to push a bit. I am neglectful of my existence, all of it. I have been judged for it and feel judgment for it and it’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I often find some meaningless distraction to get lost in. I fear I can’t change and facing my laziness gives me a feeling of dread. As long as I’m being self honest the real world just never felt that real; it’s like I care and don’t care at the same time, I’m in such conflict with myself and I’m going to have to be patient to sort it all out and try not to get too confused. Let’s face that I’m neglectful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation from my neglectful nature, I am neglectful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as neglect, equal and one as neglect of myself in and as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as equal and one to getting lost in meaningless distractions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in a rush to bring out and face what I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for energetically charging intent to move on tasks that are more productive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the more I participate with a task as thought the longer it will take to get to it, the more something is thought the more likely there will be resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety of not getting to something while I am already engaged in a task, this makes me less effective in the moment and less likely to get to the next task in a timely fashion or at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a state of waiting for direction, like a state of self on pause creating an opportunity to be mind directed to something meaningless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when on pause to be directed by a short mind created energy burst that’s like a blip directing me to focus on and move onto something that is not the best use of my time.

I commit myself to change as neglectful and ineffective to existing as self directed and effective realizing I don’t know how long it will take, I continue on in my journey to life to become effective in every moment of every breath until it is done.

I commit myself to be on the ball, realizing the blips, pauses and switches going off that create resistance to self movement, I’m committed to be attentive to myself as breath ‘here’ in and as the physical.

I commit myself to stop participating in tasks as thought, I direct myself to consider the best use of my time and not get stuck looping the thought as intent creating resistance and separation.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day52 My penis is not my friend

     Here I will further investigate my relationship to sex going into what in the past is still being held on to. Not too long ago I was often repeating the words “my penis is not my friend” indicating regret in being directed by sexual desire. In the regret of choices I made in sexual desire I realize I have connected sex to being evil or harmful and regard sex as something I cannot be responsible with. I connect sex to my current consequential situation as well as creating consequences for others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the act of sex to sexual desire seeing realizing and understanding that it is being directed through sexual desire that cause harmful consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create future projections of giving into sexual desire that lead into causing harmful consequences and having another being become resentful of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt and regret towards giving into sexual desire that lead to many actions directed through emotions that would just spin out of control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety as I live in the memory of a chain of events that seem overwhelmingly insane, I would give into desire and then would be controlled through empathy directed by my emotions and the showing of emotions from who I was with. The insanity started in one relationship and continued on in another consuming my entire adult life leaving no happy endings for anyone. The insanity almost killed me and I often wished it did.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to energetically participate in past picture/memory of in the heat of the moment sex seeing myself aggressively out of control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self judgment; disgusted with how insane I was in certain memories of high energetically charged sexual direction.

I will no longer accept and allow myself as regret towards being directed in sexual desire as the catalyst for my undesirable existence and stop participating with the negative relationship to sex that I have created.

I further commit myself to stop all participation with sexual images in the mind so I can remain ‘here’ aware of and as breath.

I commit myself to stop the participation as anxiety towards the insanity that has been my life, if there is any detection of participating with the past I apply self forgiveness and a nice cleansing breath.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

 

Day51 Disappearing in sex

I am going to go ahead here and do some self forgiveness on sex and sexual fantasy to make sure I’m clear on how I may be directed through past memories.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to visualize sex as some special connection that plays out like a movie; in this movie it’s like time stops we are at the part in the movie just after sex, laying down forehead to forehead realizing and understanding how hard life is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as need, want and desire to be comforted about who I am as if I can escape what I have accepted and allowed myself to become through sex. Unfortunately whatever connection you make in your mind during sex your always you when it’s done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the minds energy, creating a glowing build up of energy in the heart that I connect to making love. I see realize and understand that I have been participating with this energy/desire for a long time and hold on to it very tightly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and exist in and as memory of the ideal sexual encounter of two people just disappearing out of existence where everything just disappears but our combined essence barely aware of ourselves as separate. I have disappeared into this fantasy enough over decades; time to get real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as memory of past sexual encounters where I purposefully created as much energy in the heart as I could and then charging it up as memory repeatedly over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect sex to my mortality, realizing I started this deep connection to sex a long time ago as a way to cope with fear of death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect sex with death as the thought often came up after sex that it would be a good time to die, probably not cool for the other person though.

I commit myself to stop building and participating with the minds energy through sexual desire, realizing that the glowing energy placed in and around the heart as a red flag and stop before I disappear into fantasy.

I commit myself to stop using sexual desire/fantasy as an escape from facing myself in the attempt to find comfort and acceptance.

I commit myself to further investigation of what I have connected to sex so I know I will not deceive another to get a desired experience.

 

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day50 Quick fix = suppression

     I waste a lot of time with habits like lighting up a cigarette, grabbing a coffee, jumping on the computer to play a quick game or picking up my guitar- mostly to avoid myself; my emotions- my inner turmoil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid my frustrations with quick fixes that only serve to suppress the frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger/frustration just because I have to choose being considerate over what I want to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as impatience with myself when deciding what I’m going to do next and then fix the problem with a quick substance fix.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear towards other people’s emotions and instead of realizing/facing I am equal and one as fear… I get angry and suppress myself with substance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as fear = anger = fear of blowing up on someone = get myself a distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not fully realizing myself as suppressed anger building up during the day that directs me to compound the suppression with substance and distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use substance and distraction as a substitute to facing myself straight on.

I commit myself to take on the point of frustration and reaction to other people’s emotions using self forgiveness and self corrective application.

I commit myself to stop participation with self frustration and stop going to the quick fix; I breathe and give myself a few moments to decide what I am going to do.

I commit myself not to go into frustration if considering someone else means I can’t do something I would like to do; I breathe here in and as the physical giving myself the time required to come up with another option.

 

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.