Day 53 Neglect and distraction

     Let’s crawl through this one, going to have to push a bit. I am neglectful of my existence, all of it. I have been judged for it and feel judgment for it and it’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I often find some meaningless distraction to get lost in. I fear I can’t change and facing my laziness gives me a feeling of dread. As long as I’m being self honest the real world just never felt that real; it’s like I care and don’t care at the same time, I’m in such conflict with myself and I’m going to have to be patient to sort it all out and try not to get too confused. Let’s face that I’m neglectful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation from my neglectful nature, I am neglectful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as neglect, equal and one as neglect of myself in and as the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as equal and one to getting lost in meaningless distractions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in a rush to bring out and face what I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for energetically charging intent to move on tasks that are more productive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the more I participate with a task as thought the longer it will take to get to it, the more something is thought the more likely there will be resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety of not getting to something while I am already engaged in a task, this makes me less effective in the moment and less likely to get to the next task in a timely fashion or at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a state of waiting for direction, like a state of self on pause creating an opportunity to be mind directed to something meaningless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when on pause to be directed by a short mind created energy burst that’s like a blip directing me to focus on and move onto something that is not the best use of my time.

I commit myself to change as neglectful and ineffective to existing as self directed and effective realizing I don’t know how long it will take, I continue on in my journey to life to become effective in every moment of every breath until it is done.

I commit myself to be on the ball, realizing the blips, pauses and switches going off that create resistance to self movement, I’m committed to be attentive to myself as breath ‘here’ in and as the physical.

I commit myself to stop participating in tasks as thought, I direct myself to consider the best use of my time and not get stuck looping the thought as intent creating resistance and separation.

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