Day55 My connection to my home

     Here I will go ahead and deconstruct my relationship with the place I spend most of my time; the house I live in. I realize this house has become a symbol of defeat that has much to do with standards existing within competition with the people I see in and around the area of my community as I am failing very much as a capitalist. As I go ahead and blame the scent of the house, the familiarity of the house, the people in it and etc. what’s becoming clear is that my understanding of what is actually going on with me in this house and my relationship to it is… I have not really understood what is going on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that I have allowed myself to be pulled down by the minds energy to a point of tiredness just through my connection to the scent of the house. I realize this tiredness as a subconscious giving into defeat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the house in judgment of it being too comfortable in a boring sense, in doing this I have created a mental cage for myself using the house as an excuse for laziness/tiredness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize I’m giving into defeat when I am walking to the house in the morning after bringing the kids to school already looking at how I’ve been when inside the house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider my mother that is going to be in the house as a distraction and in this passing blame on her in connection to the house. That is when I go into giving up instead of directing myself in and as my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in self judgment in not being successful in life and being under par, not having anything of value that is my own like a house that I own.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value on myself and others through how much material gain and money people have. This is just perpetuating competition and the enslavement to the idea of winning and losing in the current system as what gives us value instead of valuing life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsible action here in the physical as I allow myself to be directed through self judgment, blame and excuses; choosing to give up in defeat instead of directing myself breath by breath moving towards the best possible outcome.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire being alone to direct myself without the possibility of judgment or demands allowing my environment to direct me… or rather my thoughts and emotional reaction to different conditions.

I commit myself to stop reacting to and participating with a relationship to the house I live in and not give into the idea of defeat or give into tiredness as a way of giving up.

I commit myself to stop being directed by the idea of being judged; realizing that I have to decide the best possible action and have to deal with others the best I can. I direct self breath by breath.

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to place value on myself and others in terms of where we are on the ladder of success or how much money or things we possess.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.