Day42 Simply here undifined

     I think I’d like to get to know myself a little bit better as self directed as self and not allow consciousness to do it for me. I don’t think definition of self is going to help as definition seems to well… limit and separate, time for some directing instead of knowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that it is myself that allows the mind to take over.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow the mind to direct me for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as no other way but mind direction, thinking the mind will always be in charge or at least most of the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be intimate as self in and as the physical through self direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can’t keep myself in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect a certain experience when in and as the physical, in this I see that I have been searching for a state of mind rather than just being ‘here’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a self created pattern of searching or trying different states of mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use/seek knowledge and information in an attempt to define myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation as the defining of self as “I am this” as this becomes an object of knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pattern of abdicating self responsibility.

I commit myself to stop and see what moves and recognize what moves is not me but just the mind. I stop take a deep breath and become intimate in and as the physical engaged with my surroundings, I can feel my feet on the floor, get personal with my keyboard, enjoy touching what I am working with, get right involved with and as the physical and care for myself as breath.

No more defining myself with knowledge and information cycling through states of mind; till here no further. I realize my abdication to the mind and accumulate self directed as breath and accumulate stability with no expectation/projection of what it will be like to be ‘here’ in every breath.

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