Day46 I'm sick FTW

     I have caught a cold and with it came a lot of sinus pressure and a nasty attitude; looks like this cold assisted me to look at what kind of an asshole I am. Being sick made me weak enough to not be able to suppress and hold back the nastiness that is me, yelling at my kids with frustration towards having to say something twice; what a jerk. Well time to get it through my head that the world doesn’t stop because I have a cold.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards having to say something twice and in that yelling like a fool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards my responsibilities because I’m sick and don’t want to move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger to manipulate my kids to do things so I don’t have to direct myself, I realize it is just doing the most I can to abdicate myself to the mind so as to not exert myself and instead just run on autopilot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a mind on autopilot to take responsibility and direct me for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger toward not having ‘free will’ to choose to neglect what I ‘have’ to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards seeing myself directed in anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of facing myself as anger. I realize that the fact I had expressed myself as anger in the past does not mean it has to happen again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation of self by viewing past abusive behavior and emotionally charging the memory, realizing no matter how recent; my expression in the past has nothing to do with who I am now in this moment of breath and charging up the past memory with energy can only serve to perpetuate further abusive behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of not being able to stand up and stop who I am as the expression of anger and not yell at my kids.

I will no longer allow myself to be directed by the mind and express myself as anger to my children, till here no further. I simply stop; I take a breath and be sure to be self directed in my responsibility towards my interaction with the children/life in my care no more allowing the mind to just do it for me.

I commit myself to be fully aware of when I am sick to not allow being sick as an excuse/justification to express myself in and as anger not allowing myself to just go into autopilot and try to sleep walk through my responsibility.

I commit myself to be fully aware of anger as manipulation; I direct myself in common sense without expectations of an outcome where the kids do what they are told.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.