Day48 "I ruin lives" character

     I was going to do some more self forgiveness on parenting but something was stopping me; just couldn’t get to writing. It was getting too late so I decided to go to bed, soon after I hit the pillow it started coming out and it’s one of those points that shake your whole body; time for SF on the “I ruin lives” character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of ruining my children’s lives within a character I created that catalogues evidence of me ruining lives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as knowledge and information that stands for proof that I have already ruined my children’s lives by not maintaining the relationship with their mother and in that stunting there development, as my son is a special needs child behind on his speech and cognitive abilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as knowledge and information that stand as proof that I have ruined the life of my children’s mother as she was too young to make the decision at 18 and I should have known better and now she is very much struggling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as self judgment; in seeing myself as less than for being a bad person within the memories retained in the “I ruin lives” character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as negative self judgment in the memory of wasting 10 years of a woman’s life as I did not agree to have kids with her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as knowledge and information judged as proof that I have ruined my mother’s life in that she had to always work so hard because I was so lazy and she had no time for herself and I was much in the way of her social life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within the “I ruin lives” character -to want to just give up. I realize that as this character I don’t even care and it keeps me in a battle against myself in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt that comes with the “I ruin lives” character; pulling me down in and as a mind and making me less effective or even useless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety that comes with the “I ruin lives” character; believing I don’t deserve to or will never see myself standing and I just need to feel bad about what I’ve done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of ruining other people’s lives and in this shutting myself off from society in an attempt at damage control.

I commit myself to stop myself as the “I ruin lives” character; aware of the emotions and thoughts that come with this character, if these thoughts and emotions come up I stop and breathe myself back as breath as the physical applying self forgiveness if required.

I commit myself to put this to the test and get connecting to others showing myself that I can be supportive without fear of ruining lives.

I commit myself to become fully aware of the knowledge and information that stands to tell me who I am; I will continue on to become stable in and as the physical with nothing from past memories standing as ‘proof’ of who I am.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.