Day30 "I don't like myself" character

     I’m going to look at who I am today, what in the past I have allowed to define me. Things that stick out are my certain dreams, I used to day dream a lot; some of these visions stick out a lot, then there are things that happened for real, times when people are being mean seam to stick out as well as the times when I was doing good things for others. Interesting that things others do that are good for me or were showing acts of kindness do not stick out so much I guess I don’t dwell on the good stuff. You know what; it is the actions when I was not so nice or was mean that cause most reaction in myself these are the times that flash in my mind with the most intensity and these memories are the ones I will most quickly look away from so that is what I will take on.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within past memories of not being nice when I made a choice in self gratification where I would like to test out my ‘evil side’, choices made within the idea that nothing really matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just give up inside when a past memory pops up of some time when I did someone wrong or was simply not considering another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into past memories of times when I would make an ‘evil choice’ inside my secret mind and enjoying the fact that no one would know.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify giving up on myself and existence in a moment of remembering ‘evil’ I have done both in the mind and for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image in relation to ‘evil’ I have participated in; in both the mind and the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate as negative self image towards ‘evil’ in memories to limit my self expression and self movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the back chat “I don’t like myself” I realize I exist as a negative self image towards my own evil thoughts, acting mean or inaction due to self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I had created an ‘I do not like myself’ character that separates me from the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I use the ‘I do not like myself’ character to try to protect others from myself, this indicates I am existing in the past and do not trust myself to do what is best for me and who ever I am interacting with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the ‘I do not like myself’ character; to just fade away giving short answers like “nothing” until I am left alone.

I commit myself to stop existing as negative self image created by past memories when I acted or thought ‘evil’ or ‘not nice’ realizing what I’ve done does not define who I am but who I am determines what I do.

I commit myself to trust myself in any given moment that I can and will act in consideration of ‘what is best for all’.

I no longer will accept this ‘I do not like myself ‘character, now that I see it for what it is I can say “till here no further”.

I continue my commitment to be rid of the secret mind so I will no longer have any possibility to deceive anyone.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

 

Day29 I'll just be this character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become comforted by a ‘good day’ as I know slipping into my comfort zone will cause a fall.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize slipping into a comfort zone is simply slipping back into the mind to lazily let my thoughts wander and direct me so that I’m no longer self directed in the physical.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in back chat as “I could just be how I was today” to justify turning away from process and in this I could just be ‘normal’ of course knowing this is not an option for me but just self interest in entertaining myself in alternate mind created realities that only serve to slow me down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I’m lucky to have a good day where I seen myself standing as I am protected by money which affords my comfort zone so I can ‘feel good’ about my day and somehow there is no need for further improvement (ya right).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slip into the minds comfort zone to limit my self direction as If a perceived improvement means there is no need to expand on that improvement for today.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that to feel good about some perceived action where I did good is no different from getting a fix from any commonly recognized addiction.

I commit myself to lose my comfort zone where I hide from responsibility realizing there is no acceptable time to stop standing. I continue on my journey learning every trick I have created, accepted and allowed that justifies turning my back on our shared physical reality.

 I commit myself to stop creating new characters for myself to exist as in the mind that could be good enough to exist as, there is no acceptable character in the mind to exist as; only self in self movement ‘here’ in the physical equal and one.

I commit myself to realize any time I slip away into the mind to feel good = not ‘here’ and I come back to reality asap and carry on in self direction.

 

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day28 they won't listen character

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite others by choosing to believe they cannot or will not change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if a person is a certain age that they are set in their ways and will not consider changing to spend their time standing up for life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I’m special in seeing a way out of this mess of an existence where life is abused.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into frustration towards other people’s indulgence in unproductive distractions like following sports or playing video games, which is ridiculous because it was not that long ago I was doing the same thing.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I assign a character role to others in and as a mind where I have already determined what action they will take, in this I perpetuate the game where we all keep each other in check continuing on in our own little bubbles not realizing that we are responsible for the abuse of life in this world and not realizing we are creators of this shared reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project into the future a point where support for an equal money system starts to pick some great momentum.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in negative self image to believe people won’t respect what I have to say just because it is me saying it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as being judgmental towards me thinking I’m just weird and it doesn’t matter what I say.

I commit myself to stop the beliefs that certain people will never come around and that age does not mean they cannot consider what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop judgment of others indulgence in their pastimes and continue on in my own process till I learn how to stand effectively in every moment of every breath.

 I commit myself to stop putting people in a bubble by acknowledging others characters the way I see it through my judgment created in the mind.

I commit myself to not create judgment in my mind of how I perceive others judging me, as others judgments weather real or not will not be accepted or allowed to change or hinder my self expression.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness. Stop flipping through the pages.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

 

Day27 best not to talk character

     I was going to do self forgiveness on not liking the sound of my voice but I don’t have much problem pushing through that point. I really have to acknowledge the fact that I resist using my voice or speaking up in order to keep myself safe from being judged as stupid or possibly making someone angry. I realize it’s my problem if I allow myself to feel embarrassed.  AM-BARE-ASSED  

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of being embarrassed by others in the possibility that I might make myself look stooped.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of compounding fear of being embarrassed as fear of showing embarrassment thus showing weakness and in this not speaking in protection of self image/ego.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear/anxiety while existing within memories of feeling embarrassed after speaking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of not knowing what I will have to say next after speaking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear in memory of giving bad advice that could have done more harm than good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of an angry reaction from something I say and in this saying nothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in memory of angry reactions to things I have said.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in memory of anxiety/fear towards reactions to things I have said.

I commit myself to no longer feed energy to fear and anxiety towards looking stooped before, when and after speaking, I speak myself in the moment allowing for correction/support for and from others while having compassion when speaking and allowing them to be themselves simply pointing out to them if and when they need to put someone down why it’s harmful and suggest possible correction if I am capable to do so with common sense.

 I commit myself to become able to not speak out of and as reaction and speak as myself in self direction as one and equal aware of and as breath.

I commit myself to stop feeding energy towards feelings tied in with memories of self and others reactions no longer participating in these memories stopping negative self image in relation to these memories.

 Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day26 Dad job done after bed time? GO TO BED!

      It took 2 hours to get my daughter to go to sleep tonight it turned into a battle, I first started to get little angry I breathe ‘I’m not going to get angry’ as she keeps coming up with reasons to stay up I keep telling her to go back to bed, honestly I didn’t want to deal with her. Well she did end up going back to bed but not before we both were getting angry and not before I proved I could get angrier than her.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards my daughter for not making things ‘easy’ for me as if there is supposed to be some limit to my responsibility as a parent. It is a 24/7 job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to find leverage over my kids to get them to make it easier for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I can just stop myself as anger without seeing what is causing it.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation from the physical by participating in the mind as I am busy projecting into the future about what I want to be doing instead of being ‘here’ participating with my daughter in common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into blame towards my daughter as she did not want to do what she was told and was making things hard for me when it was just me in self interest making it hard on myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in competition with my daughter in a battle of self interest to the point where I scare her into submission while existing as ego; where if she wants to yell at me and get angry I can yell louder and get more angry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I do not exist in equality with my daughter as I out do her in anger while fueling/participating in conflict to end up at a point where through being more angry I show my dominance as ego.

I commit myself to be here in the physical when my daughter will not go to bed and deal with her practically without separation as needs, wants or desires to be doing something else.

 I commit myself to stop friction with my children by not competing with them in trying to find leverage or showing dominance.

 I commit to stop seeing myself in the mind as what I think I am like someone who always keeps their cool and see myself for real so I can deal with what needs to be changed practically.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness. Stop flipping through the pages.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day25 flipping through the pages of spite

     Observing my life; it’s like flipping through the pages of a book, each day a page that I write in but it seems there is a problem. There seems to be a lot of pages where I just say ‘fuck it’ I’ll skip this page; nothing interesting is going to happen on this page. So I spite this page, this day, my immediate environment this existence and in this myself. This was an experience I had today (ok I have to take this on directly) I got up easy, was ready to take on my day, made breakfast for the kids cleaned up a little the kids had found themselves something constructive to do and because I was a little tired I chose to lay down and relax which actually turned into a nap, so I woke up missing half the day. I got up and I had to ask myself ‘what exactly happened here’.  So I basically said fuck it to this day (realizing this I was able to salvage some of the day) but it wasn’t a thought or words no energetic experience or emotion it was just who I am. Somewhere along the line in my past I chose to say ‘fuck it’ to this existence or accumulated over time, I became this. Not that this part of me always wins over but too often it does and even to happen once is too often.

     So here I am this guy who likes to dream about a world where we all get along, a world without poverty and war while spiting whole pages of existence looking in confusion of how fast the pages flip by. Better start filling these pages in with ‘what is best for all’ this spite towards existence has got to go.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to excuse ‘fuck you’ because I was a little tired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ‘fuck you’ in choosing to exist as free choice instead of self movement with the purpose of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as spite as it is so much a part of me that it’s not even noticed as an action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fill every page with compassion in every breath instead of watching the days flash by.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say ‘fuck you’ to myself, my kids, the starving, those who are going to be hurt by war, to life being abused, to whoever is reading this and reality in general. (I’m not being hard on myself I’m clearing the point).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create projections of a better world instead of taking self directive action to create a world of equality where no life is abused/neglected.

I commit myself to become a person who fills his days with what is best for all life equally and not give into spite that leads to brushing off my responsibility to life, I stop the justifications and move in the physical, self directed ‘here’ as equal as one as breath.

 I commit myself to take notice of any spitefulness and realize if the time is just passing me by and to apply self forgiveness as required I will take notice of any subtle form of ‘fuck you’ or ‘fuck it’ and stop the participation of it by walking this process until it is done.

I commit myself to fill my day with compassion by being ‘here’ giving all of myself to this existence as one as equal realizing it’s a long road to hoe in recreating myself.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness. Stop flipping through the pages.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

 

Day 24 fear of mother character

I seen today a fear within me towards my mother as I seen she was in a bad mood, I was compelled to just stay out of her way, this is pattern that has come out too often and I can no longer allow myself to go into suppression do to my feelings towards other people’s emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear that suppresses self movement do to reaction towards my mother’s frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt towards the life my mother has lived and is still living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image towards feeling I’m being controlled by my mother.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image towards the fact that I’m being supported by my mother to raise my kids in her house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety toward my mother’s anxiety towards myself and kids.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards times when my mother would express authority which is just suppressing and hiding fear and reacting in spite towards the judgment reflecting back at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as spite that comes up as back chat towards her contribution of her current situation. Often this spite comes in the form of "you raised me" and is due to the fact that I do not always feel like we are welcome and because of my mistakes she ‘had’ to take the kids and myself in, as I judge her for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become. I have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at the consequences around me in a practical way where they are just patterns that need to be disassembled, moved around, removed and walked through in the time allotted, every emotion a construct, my responsibilities more manageable through self direction.

I commit myself to no longer allow emotional energy to rise up in reaction to my mother’s emotions and put an end to going into a reaction towards other people’s emotions in general, I stop I breathe ‘here’ in the physical in self direction making the most of every breath.

I commit myself to stop the spite towards my mother’s emotions and stand as an example through showing compassion and help her in support of her as equal and one.

I further my commitment towards self direction in the face of manifested consequences without blame, moving towards the best possible outcome; what is best for all in every moment of every breath.

　

　

　

　

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.


http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day23 lazy reader

I noticed today when I sat down to do some reading, that I quickly became bored and just gave up in laziness so I took a look at myself to figure out what all took place from the time I started reading to the time I gave up. First of all I started off with a small rise in excitement towards the chance to sit down and read and this was something I was interested in learning about, as I start to read the excitement energy is no longer being fed, so I drop off to the negative side of excitement, I get tired and lazy about it and then as I ran into a word I didn’t understand that was it, my motivation screeched to a halt and I put down the magazine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as excitement energy towards sitting down to read as this energy was directing me instead of self direction. This energy will of course fall off and will not be maintained as starting something only lasts a moment and without self direction the energy will fall to a state of laziness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize a small energy rise when starting a task such as reading. Here I realize this is created in self interest as a sense of freedom to do what I want for myself existing as experience based instead of purpose based as in ‘what is best for all’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation from the physical by participating in the minds energy in the moment of starting a task that I deem as freedom or free time as I allow myself to not be stable and equal in and to every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into low energy resistance and not push through the tasks I start in result of the energy swing from excitement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become ‘on pause’ when coming across a word I don’t understand instead of moving on when there is no dictionary around to get what I can from what I am reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a pattern where I require an energy fix when reading and I see this as the reason I would only learn for the most part from ‘enlightened’ people or words dressed up as enlightenment.

I commit myself to stop the participation with energy when starting a task and not participate in the idea of ‘my free time’ in any moment of switching or starting a task such as reading, I further commit myself to be here in the physical increasing my awareness through self forgiveness.

I commit myself to become aware of all large and small energy swings through self looking so I become able to stop them before they happen through self direction and continue as self direction in and as the physical.

I commit myself to not become ‘on pause’ when confronted with an obstacle such as coming across a word I do not understand, I give the ‘obstacle’ fair consideration and continue in self movement.

　

　

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.


http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day22 do what I'm doing

Isn’t ‘what’s best for all’ too much to ask of people? That’s a feeling I get when thinking about how do you get everyone involved or listen to the desteni message. This is actually part of a pattern/character I have created where ‘everyone needs to try what I’m doing’. Even when I started raping I thought it was the greatest thing and everyone needed to learn how. I realize the ‘what is best for all’ question is really something I have to ask of myself and answer for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a desire for everyone to try what I have found that ‘is so great’. I see this as a symptom of a desire to feel good about helping someone else which is just self-interest in getting a reward as feeling good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the ‘try what I’m doing’ character created through myself as ego just because ‘I’ found whatever it is I found.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a desire for an easy fix to the problems of the world while what needs to be ‘fixed’ is myself and that alone is a big challenge that takes time and work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a belief that I have found something great, as this creates separation as I’m not equal and one to my own process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of expecting perfection or what’s BEST for myself in terms of ‘what is best for all’ as I sometimes will consider what is ‘pretty good for all’. This is a kind of shying away from doing what is best. Again this is looking for an easy fix.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as excitement energy towards finding something that works for me that ends up coming out of my mouth as something I need to talk about, this is just another trigger/impulse that directs me instead of being self directed.

I commit myself to stop any desire for reward of feeling good or feeding the ego by tying to get people to ‘do what I’m doing’ when I find something that works for me.

I commit myself to stop any excitement/energy impulses toward finding something that works for me before it starts gushing out of my mouth and focus on being the change required to stand for/as what is best for all.

I commit myself to stand equal and one to my process of change as self trust towards what is best for all and not cop out with what is pretty good for all and stop the participation of looking for an easy fix.

　

　

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.


http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

day21 hop up

As I see myself slowly start to slide and not living my commitments, this sliding I can see will quickly become an excuse in itself as I can define myself as not able to stand and as I see myself starting to slide I remember my wrestling coach said something that has stuck with me ever since, after slamming me down crashing onto the mat; just two words "hop up".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slide and not stand as my commitment statements and in this I realize any sliding does not have to go any further than becoming aware of the fact.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize the moment/thought/emotion that I stop standing as my commitment statements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately create windows of opportunity to give into desires through participating in past illusory pictures that separate me from the physical for the sake of self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt towards giving into and participating in alternate reality picture presentations of sexual encounters and creating a negative ego towards not standing as my sexual desire commitment statements, I realize this as a result of creating a positive ego charge towards the time I was standing as before I put sex on a pedestal only to end up putting deleting my sexual desire on a pedestal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as ego defining myself as better or worse depending on weather I am standing or not.

I commit myself to "hop up" asap when I see myself not standing and live the words hop up until I am standing as my commitment statements and hoping up is no longer required.

I commit myself to not give in as ego over some imagined victory over a point of self forgiveness and not put any points I take on –on a pedestal.

I further my commitment to stop participating in alternate picture realities such as sexual encounters and continue to use self forgiveness to delete them until I am stable ‘here’ in every breath.

　

　

　

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.


http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

day20 What I'm going to do

This is definitely the next point to take on as the thoughts of what I want or am going to do; take up a lot of time and even keep me up at night.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards feeling like I can’t stop the future projections of what I would like to do, these future projections come about quietly during the day and come on strong when my head hits the pillow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as excitement towards future projections of sharing realizations with others or towards being creative in bringing realizations to others. I see this as a point of ego as I treat these projections as if they are especially clever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the back chat "I have so much to say" that comes up with an excitement energy. I see this in conjunction with an excitement of seeing myself as less suppressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation of myself as comparison of whom I’ve been and who I am in the moment as this creates a polarity swing between negative and positive ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as excitement energy towards testing my self-expression as this always creates an anxiety towards time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the roll I as an ego play in creating future projections of what I am going to do.

　

I commit myself to stop my participation of future projections of what I am going to do in realization of myself as ego creating emotional energy that fuels these projections when these energies come up I slow myself down and breathe myself back to the physical reality.

I commit myself to stop the polarity of more and less than in my view of myself and realize myself as one and equal to who I am in the moment with no need to test myself as I continue to align myself with what is best for all in every moment of every breath.

　

　

　

Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.


http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

day19 my situation bubble

Me me me so worried about my situation I just need to focus on myself and my situation worried about what’s going on in my own little bubble

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards my perceived limits feeling like I’m in a cage. I see the focus on my limited room to move within my current consequences.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in negative self judgment towards the fact that I see myself giving into anxiety. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of being stuck in my current situation until something happens that will make it much worse.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a desire to just be deleted as it would be so much easier than taking responsibility. I see this as a result of not honoring myself as life; this desire comes up from time to time despite making the decision of life a long time ago.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself self in self judgment towards a lack of self movement as I am not making the most of every breath. I notice in this that it is a process and it will take time before I can exist as self movement in every breath.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as thoughts of what is all in my way and what I’m not doing instead of doing what needs to be done in the moment.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as back chat that would suggest that it is ok to let myself slide a little.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel so caged I just want to tear myself out of my own body. I see the separation that I exist in here separate from my own human physical body instead of equal and one as this body.

I commit myself to no longer exist in viewing what is in my way and instead practically look at what needs to be done in terms of what is best for all and to no longer exist in the past to what I have not done; if anxiety comes up towards perceived limitations I stop and breath myself back ‘here’ to the physical.

I commit myself to no longer exist as fear of having no control over my life and realize who I am as life and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as a programmed mind equal and one to my participation as to not allow any excuses or justifications.

I commit to stopping any back chat that would suggest it is ok to let myself slide a little as this will surely interfere with process and sabotage my progress.

 I commit myself to stop existing in separation of my human physical body as if it were some kind of cage, in self direction I move equal and one as my human physical body to do what needs to be done.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

Day18 kept in line character

Today I had to diffuse a situation where my daughter became scared and then began crying after being yelled at the one doing the yelling was told “that’s not how you deal with a kid” I felt an energy rise up as anxiety towards being told what all I do wrong.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into anxiety when having to diffuse an emotional situation that might come back at me in the form of what I’ve done wrong.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of my past failings as if they can be used as a weapon.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect speaking or speaking-up to physical pain.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of the unknown, not trusting myself to be able to deal with what comes up as a situation evolves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as an ego that can be damaged by words as I would have to face the negative self image I am suppressing as a failure in life. (Four count breath) I see here how I am part of and have been supporting a system that promotes self image/ego and sets us up to fail as ego, where we do not value and honor ourselves and each other as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a reflection/judgment of my current situation instead of who I am as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize the illusion that holds us all captive as life; in the positive negative polarity play outs of the mind as ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as sadness towards what we have accepted and allowed in our shared existence, in this I see how I allow myself to exist in separation not stopping the sadness that exists in me of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

I commit myself to take on any emotional situation that comes up in my reality one breath at a time; I do this in self trust and self honesty in the physical with no choice, only as ‘what’s best for all’ as I proved to myself today living what’s best for all -with no choice- allowed me to diffuse a situation that could have ruined a fun time, it was actually quite easy.

 I commit myself to; when in a moment self image comes into view to stop, come back into the physical aware of and as breath and realize self image as the illusion it is continuing the use of self forgiveness to remove the illusion I created and have become equal and one to.

I commit myself to continue this journey in self responsibility as what needs to change in self to be able to take responsibility in our shared reality in line with ‘what is best for all’.

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

Day17 self forgiveness habits

Here I’ll use self forgiveness to clear some bad habits when writing self forgiveness.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my writings as good or bad in terms of how others will see it, which will cause me to go into future projections of how I might have to defend or explain the writings; I see how this will slow me down and take me into the mind away from what I am doing here in the moment.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not come back to writing in a single breath if something in my world requires my attention while writing as it often takes unnecessary time to come back to the task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into thoughts or energy-cravings that would suggest I could take a break for some substance; a drink, some food, get up and walk around etc.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate on writing while I judge what points I could take on as not efficient enough and if I don’t find something that seems prudent I will put off my writing, not realizing there are many points to take on ahead and I will have to take on many details.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider if my writing is long enough instead of weather the point I am writing on is cleared.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing as anxiety towards the possibility that I missed something. As I can always go back and do self forgiveness on anything that I missed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards not knowing what I will write next as this is a symptom of a lack of self trust. I see this come up more often as I am ready to write out self commitment. “Did I write out all that was needed for self forgiveness?”, “will my commitments be good enough that I will make acceptable corrections?”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself in my writing, I write in self honesty and trust in and as self honesty.

I commit myself to write myself out- in the moment in terms of weather it is freeing me to stand up for ‘what is best for all life equally’ if I am to explain my writing I will do it in the physical not as a future projection/illusion.

I commit myself to come back to writing without hesitation when something else requires my attention; I take care of what needs to be done not allowing any distraction from the mind and push through any resistance that come in the form of craving or thought of taking an unnecessary break.

I commit myself to minimize the time spent on finding the most efficient point to take on and move on to writing myself to freedom from the many details of what I have allowed myself to become that do not stand for what is best for all, writing within self trust and self honesty.

  

 Investigate http://desteni.org/ find out our common ground is beneath our feet and learn the tools of self forgiveness.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.

Day16 Procrastination on writing patern

Meh I’ll take a look at what everyone else is doing until something comes up to write about, even though I’m running out of time. This is a pattern not self direction.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a pattern of looking to see what others are doing and not start my writtings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of exposing my weaknesses, this is simply a point of separation from the rest of the world were my ego would keep me in a nice little box, I realize this to be the trigger for the pattern of searching around on the computer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as procrastination as a divergence from facing myself as I will ignore what needs to be changed both in myself and in the world as a whole.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the first moment I get a chance to write as equal to the moment I finally get to it.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a future projection of myself writing out self forgeveness as this thought seperates me from the physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as the back chat “it’s ok if I don’t get it done tonight” this back chat causes both procrastination and forms a ‘safety net’ so there will not be any anxiety about not getting to it. This is unacceptable as I act in self interest to keep myself safe equal to the unacceptable status quo.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in seperation as the mind keeping track of the time as it gets late. This is just slowing me down making me less affective in my writing.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be fully aware that I’m keeping track of time as it forms a buzzzzzzzzzzz pulling me into the mind and away from reality.

 I commit myself to realize any back chat or fear at the moment I have a chance to sit down and write, in self direction in and as the moment aware of and as breath I check for my next point to take on and begin writing.

I commit myself to remove any safety net as self interest as the safety net will only diminish my self expression and responseABLEity to and as change in and as the physical.

 I commit myself to realize all humming of the mind for what it is as a distraction of the automated mind, I stop I breathe I realize the cause and do self forgiveness.

  

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

day 15 self pitty in process character

     Please be aware of me I don’t want to do this for nothing, no more can I hide from myself lost in myself as myself, it’s hard; at least it feels that way. Sad so sad- everything is against me.

     This self pitty character has got to go.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation from the world as I count on it to change instead of realizing that it is up to me to take responsibility for my own change.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation as a desire- for some kind of reward like making some kind of impact on the world even just a sign. If I did get this reward it would just feed the addiction of desire for reward tarnishing slowing and damaging my process of change as it gives me an energy fix causing me to crash when I don’t get it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be pulled down by energy as sadness in a need want and desire to not take responsibility for myself to stand up for all life equally, in this I see this is just self interest separating myself from the whole of reality entertaining the thought that I could just go back to looking out for number one as if I had a choice.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be pulled down by energy as sadness at the prospect of loss of choice as I see I have no choice but to face myself as who I am weather I change or not. I can only add more layers of suppression wich would just be an altered me that I have to face.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation as a need want and desire for process to be easy not seeing that It’s only as hard as I allow it to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as separate from the process of change instead of being one and equal to process.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of commitment statements as I can’t know at this moment if I will live the commitment statements or if they will be good enough to say I am standing for ‘what is best for all life equally’.

 I commit myself to stand as myself as a world in and as change, no longer in need of reward, equal and one with the movement of change, in my actions in self direction not as fear direction.

I commit myself to realize the moment of sadness towards having to take responsibility for change with no choice but to face myself, I stop I breath and realize what will change and walk it in time with self forgiveness and commitment and repeate until it is done where I stand stable in this reality standing for all life equally in every breath till all are free or death claims me.

 I commit myself to walk my commitment statements even if it requires repeating self forgiveness and new commitment statements weather it requires new adjustments or tweeking or new realization working myself as responsibility chiping away at the stone until all that remains is a being that stands up for ‘what is best for all’.

Do not investigate http://desteni.org/ you will have no choice but to take responsibility for all life on earth and yourself as your participation in it,run away! It’s to late for me SAVE YOUR SELF!

Do not investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life. Just accept capitalism its comfortable your used to it, it must be the only way, people deserve to be rich while others suffer from starvation, food is not a rite for everyone and “there will always be haves and have nots”.

Day14 The TV

Strange, its almost like I have two minds running most of the time, like I’ve matched frequencies with a second mind or something hummming away luling me to sleep hypnoticaly and I’m pretty sure it wants me to get excited about buying stuff.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be comforted by the sound and visions produced by the TV getting so comfortable with it on that I don’t realize it’s destracting me from reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the impact the TV has as it is always feeding the mind energy, creating a comforting and hypnotic hum that even distracts me from realizing it needs to be turned off.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the constant noise to comfort me like a mind running to create tiredness and lazyness when left on just as back ground noise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my emotions are being fed, activated and manipulated through what is being projected from the TV through my participation as I allow myself to be manipulated even when I’m not really watching.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards silence with no noise or distraction as I’m left with just me ‘here’ which I’m not used to and is uncomfortable.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to comfort as the comfort of the mind running is keeping me from the physical reality ‘here’ aware of and as breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compound the problem of the mind running with the constant noise of the TV.

 I commit myself to limit the time the TV is on and limit my viewing to mostly educational purposes as I still have to compromise with others in the house but will share my realizations with them.

I commit myself to not let the TV run as back ground noise and give myself a better chance to realize who I am as silence as this will assist me to realize what I accept and allow as distractions.

I commit myself to push through discomfort of being ‘here’ in the physical and not give into the comfort of noise or the mind or comfort just for the sake of comfort.

 I commit myself to realize when my environment is compounding my programing stoping it in a single breath and do self forgiveness when needed.

Learn to utilize the tools of self forgiveness at  http://desteni.org/

And please investigate http://equalmoney.org/

Day13 'These eyes'

I think I was around 8 years old I asked the question why am I looking through ‘these eyes’ (was like a light clicked on) as if to say I could be anyone else and in the same time an idea that I was here to do something special, that I had some role as a major player in the grand sceme of things. I perceive this point as the first point of ego that is of any significance and the beginning of character creation. I see this also as a point of how I was put on tracks that my mind keeps track of so I can jump back on them if I need to, back on my own path as ‘the one’ that figures it all out. I had confirmed as a young adult that this idea of here to do something special as a child was not a special event, after having a conversation with some friends who confirmed that feeling as a child and that we all kind of forgot about it while blending in society as adults. I never really forgot and the ‘special’ or ‘the one’ will always be correct in there view point -not cool- jeeze everyone is looking through their eyes WTF.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the memory of looking through ‘these eyes’ instead of being self directed with in the principal of ‘what is best for all’.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a belief that looking through ‘these eyes’ is some kind of strange experience as the back chat comes up “this is strange”.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that one person alone can never be example enough to make any real change in this world; you have to work with and as a group supporting eachother to make a significant change.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the ego; looking through ‘these eyes’ to think I will be the one who’s right in my view point as it will cause resistance with others and in myself when our view does not match.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation while keeping an ‘eye’ on the track I was on to sabotage my process and commitment to the group.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be fully aware of my potential as something that requires support which is something I give to myself and others, giving as I would like to receive.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as separate from thoughs I would converse with instead of one and equal in the conversation as it is just knowledge and information being passed between two or more beings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety towards getting my point across as someone might perceive me as forceing my view point on them or they might get annoyed that I’m not seeing it there way or perceive I refuse to consider their point of view.

I commit myself to no longer accept the perception of looking through ‘these eyes’ as special or strange (s T R A I N g e) and have enough sence to stay off the special tracks, lol I’m still recovering from the last time I got hit.

 I commit myself to be ‘here’ in the physical reality when in conversation as equal to all involved assisting when I have something to give and assisting self in considering anothers view points, sharing myself in what has assisted me instead of inflicting a point of view.

 I commit myself to become one- in and as the commitment to process/self change and the equality equation as a +1.

I commit myself to pass on what I’ve realized about being special and what I will realize as I take on my own programing when the point of being special come up in me.

  

Investigate http://desteni.org/ to learn how to change self for the purpose of what is best for all life equally.

Investigate http://equalmoney.org/ to stop the abuse of life on earth so all can have a dignified life.

Day12 father failure character

There were two promises I made to myself when I decided to have kids and I felt justified in the decision. The first was I would make them a gift to the world, and the second was I was going to change the world but I must have thought I was impervious to fall into abusive or destructive patterns because I created a future projection of myself where I would have perfect patience and I knew what not to do and it was just that easy. I was not going to fall into patterns even though I watch EVERY OTHER PARENT FALL INTO THE SAME CRAP! Ya I was pretty special. I’m reminded of a couple times in life when different friends of mine who were dads would look me straight in the eye as serious as cancer and tell me “DO NOT HAVE KIDS!” guess what, if your thinking it’s ok to have kids because you are special; WHATCH OUT IT’S A TRAP! First thing you better realize is that you’re not special and you better know what it means to stop patterns you already exist in- for starters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as ego in seeing myself as special in a way that everything would fall into place and I would not fall into any patterns like I seen in other parents or my own parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the idea I had about myself with perfect patience was do to patience I have when I don’t give a damn or I’m doing something easy with no real challenge with no threat of messing up something important.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt towards failing my expectations as a father and making myself feel better by finding my kids something fun to do as this has been a repeating pattern that neglects my responsibility to pass on responsibility that they need.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the “shut up” back chat of the mind that comes out at times in the physical when I’m beeing asked by my daughter a bunch of questions or being asked over and over for something I say no to because it’s actually me that wants to shut up; I realize I’ve learned to shut up real well and I’m most comfortable when I shut up.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards my daughter if she interupts a conversation with my son or answers for him as he is far behind on his speech not seeing she craves this attention because of the little party I would be involved in every time she moved forward in her speech and she can’t even realize the energy addiction myself and others created in her or why she gets upset as she is no longer getting that energy fix.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt when I over sleep and it cuts into my time with the kids wich causes me to want to hide and sleep more because I don’t want to face myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear of my children coming to have the same kind of negative feeling from my environment that I had in my life from other kids and my parents, teachers, work mates and bosses as I’ve almost always felt helpless put down, beaten down. This has bin my real starting point without being fully aware of it, not creating responsible beings that can stand up for life but only kids that can stick up for themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in past memories of what I consider parenting mistakes instead of considering what is best for all in every moment as breath. Mistakes like teaching my kids how to fight as soon as they could walk without knowing how to teach them not to fight which has caused some kids at school to get hurt, to not get my son extra help with his speech yet, to having the tv on to often.

 I commit myself to realize my becoming an effective father takes time and work and the realization of patterns I fall into, so I will continue to write out my patterns with self forgiveness and change myself in real time.

I commit myself to gain real patience by realizing when frustration and anger take me away from awareness I do self foriveness and bring myself back here as breath.

 
I commit myself to balance out fun and entertainment with responsibility in time, giving the children and myself a chance to learn to do things different in understanding my kids can not even understand why they act the way they do as they will need to be educated to the best they can understand on the way the mind works.
 

I commit myself to have proper conversations with my children and not go into the pattern of being frustrated when I’m required to speak.

 I commit myself not to compound the problem if I mess up my sleeping patterns by going into guilt and start my day in practicle common sence.

I commit myself to make sure my starting point in parenting is first to change self to become a resposible being that stands up for all life equaly in that I can pass what I learn to my children through word and example.

Investigate the group that stands up for whats best for all equally http://desteni.org/

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life.