Day25 flipping through the pages of spite

     Observing my life; it’s like flipping through the pages of a book, each day a page that I write in but it seems there is a problem. There seems to be a lot of pages where I just say ‘fuck it’ I’ll skip this page; nothing interesting is going to happen on this page. So I spite this page, this day, my immediate environment this existence and in this myself. This was an experience I had today (ok I have to take this on directly) I got up easy, was ready to take on my day, made breakfast for the kids cleaned up a little the kids had found themselves something constructive to do and because I was a little tired I chose to lay down and relax which actually turned into a nap, so I woke up missing half the day. I got up and I had to ask myself ‘what exactly happened here’.  So I basically said fuck it to this day (realizing this I was able to salvage some of the day) but it wasn’t a thought or words no energetic experience or emotion it was just who I am. Somewhere along the line in my past I chose to say ‘fuck it’ to this existence or accumulated over time, I became this. Not that this part of me always wins over but too often it does and even to happen once is too often.

     So here I am this guy who likes to dream about a world where we all get along, a world without poverty and war while spiting whole pages of existence looking in confusion of how fast the pages flip by. Better start filling these pages in with ‘what is best for all’ this spite towards existence has got to go.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to excuse ‘fuck you’ because I was a little tired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ‘fuck you’ in choosing to exist as free choice instead of self movement with the purpose of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as spite as it is so much a part of me that it’s not even noticed as an action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fill every page with compassion in every breath instead of watching the days flash by.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say ‘fuck you’ to myself, my kids, the starving, those who are going to be hurt by war, to life being abused, to whoever is reading this and reality in general. (I’m not being hard on myself I’m clearing the point).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create projections of a better world instead of taking self directive action to create a world of equality where no life is abused/neglected.

I commit myself to become a person who fills his days with what is best for all life equally and not give into spite that leads to brushing off my responsibility to life, I stop the justifications and move in the physical, self directed ‘here’ as equal as one as breath.

 I commit myself to take notice of any spitefulness and realize if the time is just passing me by and to apply self forgiveness as required I will take notice of any subtle form of ‘fuck you’ or ‘fuck it’ and stop the participation of it by walking this process until it is done.

I commit myself to fill my day with compassion by being ‘here’ giving all of myself to this existence as one as equal realizing it’s a long road to hoe in recreating myself.

 

Investigate http://desteni.org/ and learn the tools of self forgiveness. Stop flipping through the pages.

http://equalmoney.org/ so all can live a dignified life and end the rat race.