Day 24 fear of mother character

I seen today a fear within me towards my mother as I seen she was in a bad mood, I was compelled to just stay out of her way, this is pattern that has come out too often and I can no longer allow myself to go into suppression do to my feelings towards other people’s emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as fear that suppresses self movement do to reaction towards my mother’s frustration.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as guilt towards the life my mother has lived and is still living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image towards feeling I’m being controlled by my mother.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as negative self image towards the fact that I’m being supported by my mother to raise my kids in her house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anxiety toward my mother’s anxiety towards myself and kids.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger towards times when my mother would express authority which is just suppressing and hiding fear and reacting in spite towards the judgment reflecting back at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as spite that comes up as back chat towards her contribution of her current situation. Often this spite comes in the form of "you raised me" and is due to the fact that I do not always feel like we are welcome and because of my mistakes she ‘had’ to take the kids and myself in, as I judge her for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become. I have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at the consequences around me in a practical way where they are just patterns that need to be disassembled, moved around, removed and walked through in the time allotted, every emotion a construct, my responsibilities more manageable through self direction.

I commit myself to no longer allow emotional energy to rise up in reaction to my mother’s emotions and put an end to going into a reaction towards other people’s emotions in general, I stop I breathe ‘here’ in the physical in self direction making the most of every breath.

I commit myself to stop the spite towards my mother’s emotions and stand as an example through showing compassion and help her in support of her as equal and one.

I further my commitment towards self direction in the face of manifested consequences without blame, moving towards the best possible outcome; what is best for all in every moment of every breath.

　

　

　

　

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