Day23 lazy reader

I noticed today when I sat down to do some reading, that I quickly became bored and just gave up in laziness so I took a look at myself to figure out what all took place from the time I started reading to the time I gave up. First of all I started off with a small rise in excitement towards the chance to sit down and read and this was something I was interested in learning about, as I start to read the excitement energy is no longer being fed, so I drop off to the negative side of excitement, I get tired and lazy about it and then as I ran into a word I didn’t understand that was it, my motivation screeched to a halt and I put down the magazine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as excitement energy towards sitting down to read as this energy was directing me instead of self direction. This energy will of course fall off and will not be maintained as starting something only lasts a moment and without self direction the energy will fall to a state of laziness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize a small energy rise when starting a task such as reading. Here I realize this is created in self interest as a sense of freedom to do what I want for myself existing as experience based instead of purpose based as in ‘what is best for all’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in separation from the physical by participating in the minds energy in the moment of starting a task that I deem as freedom or free time as I allow myself to not be stable and equal in and to every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into low energy resistance and not push through the tasks I start in result of the energy swing from excitement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become ‘on pause’ when coming across a word I don’t understand instead of moving on when there is no dictionary around to get what I can from what I am reading.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a pattern where I require an energy fix when reading and I see this as the reason I would only learn for the most part from ‘enlightened’ people or words dressed up as enlightenment.

I commit myself to stop the participation with energy when starting a task and not participate in the idea of ‘my free time’ in any moment of switching or starting a task such as reading, I further commit myself to be here in the physical increasing my awareness through self forgiveness.

I commit myself to become aware of all large and small energy swings through self looking so I become able to stop them before they happen through self direction and continue as self direction in and as the physical.

I commit myself to not become ‘on pause’ when confronted with an obstacle such as coming across a word I do not understand, I give the ‘obstacle’ fair consideration and continue in self movement.

　

　

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