Day9 Cherry highgasm

When I consider the urge to masturbate or the urge for sex I think back to my first orgasm and how impresive the experience was to me. This reminds me about what I have heard about why people get addicted to cocaine, the first time someone does the drug it’s a new experience and they enjoy the “cherry high” as it is called. This cherry high is then remembered by the user and is chased after causing an addiction. The same thing can be demonstrated by the urge for sex and masturbation as the chasing of that first cherry high orgasm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the memory of my first orgasm as it creates a desire to recreate the experience, which is impossible because there is only one first time for everything and the memory has been distorted in the mind over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time masturbating just because I have time to myself and not realizing that it’s the memory of the orgasm directing me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not fully realize that the urge for an orgasm comes when the mind lazely cycles through what I could do with my time and as I spin the wheel of choices focus often lands on the choice made prominent by the memory attached to the most energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self directed when I have time to myself as it causes to often a lack of responsible action.

I commit myself to not go into the memory of the orgasm and not allow the lazy cycling of choices in the mind to take me away from self directed responsibility and instead be awake in the physical reality in consideration of what is best for all.

I commit myself to be aware of any energy riseing in my physical being that separates me and causes me to exist in past experiences so I can see in the moment what needs to be changed in real time to become a responsible being that takes care of life instead of the neglectfull consumer I have been.

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